????The human frame being what it is, heart, body?and brain all mixed together, and not contained in separate?compartments as they will be no doubt in another million?years, a good dinner is of great importance to good talk. One?cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined?well. The lamp in the spine does not light on beef and prunes.?We are all PROBABLY going to heaven, and Vandyck is, we?HOPE, to meet us round the next corner—that is the dubious?and qualifying state of mind that beef and prunes at the end of?the day's work breed between them. Happily my friend, who?taught science, had a cupboard where there was a squat bottle?and little glasses—(but there should have been?sole and part ridge to begin with)—so that we were able to draw up to the?fire and repair some of the damages of the day's living.

????心靈，身體和大腦共同組成人類的軀殼，它們渾然一體，不能獨(dú)立存在，這種狀態(tài)就算再過一百萬年也不會(huì)改變，因此，對(duì)于一場(chǎng)優(yōu)質(zhì)的交談來說，一頓好飯的作用非常重要。少了一頓好飯，人就不能好好思考，好好去愛，好好睡覺。牛肉和梅干并不能點(diǎn)亮我們的靈魂之光。我們大概進(jìn)入了極樂世界，凡·戴克大概就在下一個(gè)街角等待——一天的工作結(jié)束后，靠牛肉和梅干催生的只有這張模棱兩可的勉強(qiáng)心境。好在我這位科學(xué)教師朋友家里有個(gè)櫥柜，里面放著一個(gè)大酒瓶，幾只小酒杯——（但應(yīng)該還有鰨目魚或山鶉之類的下酒菜）——于是我們才能坐在爐火旁，部分修復(fù)我們經(jīng)過一天生計(jì)后受傷的心靈。

????Before that I had made my living by?cadging odd jobs from newspapers, by reporting a donkey?show here or a wedding there; I had earned a few pounds by?addressing envelopes, reading to old ladies, making artificial?flowers, teaching the alphabet to small children in a kinder garten. Such were the chief occupations that were open to women before 1918. I need not, I am afraid, describe in any detail?the hardness of the work, for you know perhaps women who?have done it; nor the difficulty of living on the money when it?was earned, for you may have tried. But what still remains with?me as a worse infliction than either was the poison of fear and?bitterness which those days bred in me. To begin with, always?to be doing work that one did not wish to do, and to do it like a?slave, flattering and fawning, not always necessarily perhaps,?but it seemed necessary and the stakes were too great to run?risks; and then the thought of that one gift which it was death to hide—a small one but dear to the possessor—perishing and?with it my self, my soul,—all this became like a rust eating?away the bloom of the spring, destroying the tree at its heart.?However, as I say, my aunt died; and whenever I change a ten shilling note a little of that rust and corrosion is rubbed off,?fear and bitterness go. Indeed, I thought, slipping the silver in to my purse, it is remarkable, remembering the bitterness of?those days, what a change of temper a fixed income will bring?about. No force in the world can take from me my five hundred?pounds. Food, house and clothing are mine forever. Therefore?not merely do effort and labour cease, but also hatred and bit terness. I need not hate any man; he cannot hurt me. I need?not flatter any man; he has nothing to give me. So imperceptibly I found myself adopting a new attitude towards the other?half of the human race. It was absurd to blame any class or any?sex, as a whole. Great bodies of people are never responsible?for what they do. They are driven by instincts which are not?within their control. They too, the patriarchs, the professors,?had endless difficulties, terrible drawbacks to contend with.?Their education had been in some ways as faulty as my own. It?had bred in them defects as great. True, they had money and?power, but only at the cost of harbouring in their breasts an?eagle, a vulture, forever tearing the liver out and plucking at?the lungs—the instinct for possession, the rage for acquisition?which drives them to desire other people's fields and goods?perpetually; to make frontiers and flags; battleships and poison?gas; to offer up their own lives and their children's lives. Walk?through the Admiralty Arch (I had reached that monument), or?any other avenue given up to trophies and cannon, and reflect?upon the kind of glory celebrated there. Or watch in the spring?sunshine the stockbroker and the great barrister going indoors?to make money and more money and more money when it is a?fact that five hundred pounds a year will keep one alive in the?sunshine. These are unpleasant instincts to harbour, I reflected. They are bred of the?conditions of life; of the lack of civilization, I thought, looking at the statue of the Duke of Cambridge, and in particular at the feathers in his cocked hat, with?a fixity that they have scarcely ever received before. And, as I realized these drawbacks, by degrees fear and bitterness modified themselves into pity and toleration; and then in a year or?two, pity and toleration went, and the greatest release of all?came, which is freedom to think of things in themselves. That?building, for example, do I like it or not? Is that picture beauti ful or not??Is that in my opinion a good book or a bad? Indeed?my aunt's legacy unveiled the sky to me, and substituted for?the large and imposing figure of a gentleman, which Milton re commended for my perpetual adoration, a view of the open?sky.

????在這之前，我靠給報(bào)社做臨時(shí)工為生，一會(huì)兒報(bào)道這里有艷舞表演，一會(huì)兒報(bào)道那里有人結(jié)婚；我還幫人填信封地址，給老婦人念書聽，制作假花，教幼兒園里的小朋友識(shí)字，掙上幾個(gè)英鎊。1918年以前，婦女能做的工作主要就是這些。我不必強(qiáng)調(diào)這些工作有多難，你們或許認(rèn)識(shí)做過這些工作的人；我更不必強(qiáng)調(diào)靠這種工作掙錢生活有多難，你們自己或許也做過。但比起這些，更可怕的是那些日子在我心中留下的恐懼和酸楚，它們至今還在折磨我。比如，你做著自己并不想做的工作，像個(gè)奴隸，要處處說好話，看人臉色，雖然沒人強(qiáng)迫你這么做，但如果你不做，就會(huì)付出巨大的代價(jià)，你根本冒不起這個(gè)險(xiǎn)。然后我想到我那小小的才能，覺得它是自己的寶貝，要是就這么埋沒了，我的身體和靈魂也會(huì)隨之消逝，所有的一切都像生了一層銹，春天的繁花被吞沒，樹木從芯子開始腐爛。然后，我姑姑去世了。每次我破開一張十先令鈔票，銹蝕就會(huì)褪去一層，我心中的恐懼和酸楚就會(huì)減輕一點(diǎn)。我一邊把找零的銀幣放進(jìn)錢包，一邊回想過去的苦日子，發(fā)現(xiàn)一份穩(wěn)定的收入竟然能給人的心境帶來這么大的變化。世界上沒有任何力量可以?shī)Z走我手中的五百英鎊。我將永遠(yuǎn)擁有食物，房子和衣物。我不需要付出精力和苦力，心中的憎恨和痛苦也消失了。我不恨任何男人，反正他們無法傷害我；我不用取悅?cè)魏文腥耍凑麄儫o法給我什么。因此，我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己對(duì)人類另一半的態(tài)度發(fā)生了微妙的變化。完全否定某個(gè)階級(jí)或性別都是一件很荒唐的事情。一個(gè)龐大的群體永遠(yuǎn)不必為自己的所作所為負(fù)責(zé)，驅(qū)動(dòng)他們的是不可控制的本能。那些大家長(zhǎng)和教授也要面對(duì)無窮無盡的難處和可怕的問題。在某種程度上，他們受到的教育和我受到的一樣失敗。他們因此產(chǎn)生巨大的缺陷。沒錯(cuò)，他們確實(shí)有錢有權(quán)，但胸中永遠(yuǎn)住著一只禿鷹，不斷撕扯他們的肝臟，啄食他們的肺——這就是他們本能的占有欲，是狂暴的搶奪欲，驅(qū)使他們時(shí)刻窺覬他人的領(lǐng)地和利益；建造要塞，插上旗幟；制造戰(zhàn)艦和毒氣；獻(xiàn)上自己和子孫們的性命。穿過海軍拱門（我已經(jīng)走到紀(jì)念碑前），或任何一條擺滿戰(zhàn)利品和大炮的街道，想一想哪里歌頌的榮耀。濁者站在春日的陽光里，看著股票經(jīng)紀(jì)人和大律師走進(jìn)室內(nèi)，忙著掙錢，掙錢和掙更多的錢，可每年五百英鎊就足夠一個(gè)人在陽光下活得好好的。我想，他們身上一定存在某種討厭的本能。這是生活條件的產(chǎn)物，是文明程度不高的結(jié)果，我一邊想一邊看著劍橋公爵的雕像，尤其是他三角帽上的羽毛，恐怕它從未被這樣凝視過。意識(shí)到這些問題之后，我的恐懼和酸楚就化為了憐憫和寬容，又過了一兩年，憐憫和寬容也消失了，我獲得了一種最大的解脫，那是客觀看待事物的自由。比如那邊的建筑我喜不喜歡？那幅畫好不好看？這本書好還是壞？米爾頓建議女人尋找一位高大威猛的紳士，用永恒的愛慕換來自己的歸宿。而我不用這么做，因?yàn)槲夜霉玫倪z產(chǎn)為我開辟了一片廣闊的新天地。

????To have lived a free?life in London in the six teenth century would have meant for a?woman who was poet and playwright a nervous stress and dilemma which might well have killed her. Had she survived,?whatever she had written would have been twisted and deformed, issuing from a strained and morbid imagination.

????對(duì)于一個(gè)女詩(shī)人或女劇作家來說，要想在16世紀(jì)的倫敦過上自由的生活，要承受巨大的精神壓力，面臨兩難的選擇，甚至被逼上絕路。就算她僥幸活下來，她的想象力也會(huì)變得緊張，病態(tài)，寫出來的東西一定會(huì)扭曲，變形。