Stop Being So Positive 拒絕有毒的樂觀

Hey,everybody.

大家好。

Today I want to talk about toxic positivity.

今天我想談談有毒的積極。

I have been seen people pass around a ton of memes and graphics about this,so I thought that we should really talk about it.

我曾看見人們傳遞大量關于有毒的積極的模因和圖片，所以我覺得我們應該好好談談。

And if you don't know what I mean by toxic positivity,people are pushing back against the while:you know,just focus on what you have or there are people who have a lot worse that by telling people to just be positive or to think on the bright side,we are invalidating their experience and not allowing space for painful emotions or hurtful situations.

如果你不知道我所說的有毒的積極性是什么意思，人們總會用迫使你的方式說：你知道的，專注于你所擁有的或者有些人有更糟糕的處境，他們聲稱通過告訴人們要往積極或往好的方面想，我們正在否定他們的經歷，不給痛苦的情緒或傷害的情況留有空間。

And I want to say that I agree completely with the phrase toxic positivity.

我想說，我完全同意有毒的積極性這個說法。

But the truth is,it's much more complicated than that.

但事實是，這其實要復雜得多。

As a therapist who regularly utilizes dvt or dialectical behavior therapy tools,like backburner and other emotion regulation skills.

作為一名經常使用dvt或辯證行為作為治療工具的治療師，比如backburner和其他情緒控制技巧。

I believe there is a time and place to force a positive thought or to hold back a negative one at the very least.

我相信總有時間和地點可以迫使我們產生積極的想法，或者至少要抑制消極的想法。

This can keep us from oversharing with someone that maybe we don't know that well or from crying at work or maybe in a public place which could be less than desirable.

這可以防止我們和不太了解的人過度分享，也可以防止我們在工作時哭泣或者在不太理想的公共場所哭泣。

We may also find ourselves ruminating on the negative things that happen,focusing only on how terrible we are,how bad the world is and that everything is going to end anyway.

我們也會發(fā)現(xiàn)自己反復沉浸在所發(fā)生的的消極事情中，只關注我們有多糟糕，世界有多糟糕，一切都將結束。

So why even try?Hello,Depression or obesity or anxiety or a bunch of other mental illnesses.

所以為什么要努力好好生活？有那么多疾病——抑郁癥、強迫癥、焦慮癥和其他一些精神疾病呢。

There are four things,likes thought stopping,distracting and looking for evidence to support a more positive outlook,are all amazing tools and techniques to use in life.

有四件事可以幫助你，比如停止思考，分散注意力和尋找證據(jù)來支持一個更積極的觀點，這些都是生活中使用的很有用的工具和技巧。

It can help pull us out of a dark hole and help us see that things can actually maybe get better and that life is worth living.

它可以幫助我們走出黑洞，幫助我們看到事情實際上可能會變得更好，生活值得過下去。

Therefore,I have to argue that there is a place in life for forced positive thoughts,and having someone in our life or minus of the good can be well good.

因此，我不得不說，在生活中，強迫自己變得積極是有一定正面效果的，在我們的生活中有一個人，或者生活中減少些東西，都是可能有好效果的。

But other than that,I do agree that we should push out toxic positivity,making space for us to feel how we need to feel.

但除此之外，我更認為，我們應該排除有毒的積極性，給我們空間去感受我們真實的感受。

No one wants to open up to a friend about something horrific.

沒有人愿意向朋友坦白一些可怕的事情。

That happened only to have them tell us that we have so many other things to be gratedul for.

因為通常朋友只是告訴我們，我們還有那么多值得感激的事情。

Not to mention that experience in a trauma can lead us to feeling like we've caused the bad thing to happen.

更不用說創(chuàng)傷的經歷，會讓我們覺得是我們導致了壞事的發(fā)生。

Hello,shame,or possibly,due to our repressed memories.

你好，恥辱，或者可能的話，因為我們被壓抑的記憶。

We can worry that we made the whole thing us.

我們可能會擔心整件事都是我們造成的。

So once we open up about something like that,it can be devastating to have someone tell us to,you know,look on the bright side,move past it,you've got so much going for you.

所以一旦我們公開了這樣的事情，如果有人告訴我們：往好的方面看，往前走，忘記吧，你有這么多優(yōu)點。

Often when someone opens up to us,they're looking for compassion,understanding and acceptance.

當有人向我們敞開心扉，他們在尋找憐憫同情，理解和接受。

Forcing positive thoughts or beliefs doesn't leave space for any of that,and it can compound the trauma that we may be already feel.

強迫積極的話，不會給這些真實的負面情感留下空間，他會加重我們可能已經感受到的創(chuàng)傷。

And in all honesty,it is a therapist's job to hold space for you to feel how you need to feel and then to validate it.

老實說，治療師的工作是為你留出空間去感受你需要的感覺，然后去驗證它。

All feelings are okay,I want you to hear that they're all OK.

所有好的壞的感覺都可以,我想讓你知道任何情緒他們都是正常的。

And yes,we do have some choice when it comes to what we want to focus our energy on,but that doesn't mean that we can't allow for some downtime.

是的，當我們想要把精力集中在什么上的時候，我們確實有一些選擇，但這并不意味著我們不能允許一些沮喪的時間。

We can leave time to cry,to be mad to express how upset we are at what's going on,and that's why I'm always encouraging people to journal,and while I know you'd always how about you know,making it a gratitude journal and coming up with some things that you are grateful for each day could be seen as talks of positivity.

我們可以留下時間去哭泣，去瘋狂，去表達我們對所發(fā)生的事情有多難過，這就是為什么我總是鼓勵人們寫日記。雖然我知道，你了解這些，寫一本感恩日記，每天寫一些讓你感恩的事情，這可以被看作是在談論積極的事情。

I would argue that not allowing for all of our feelings to be felt and acknowledged is just as toxic.

我想說的是，不讓我們所有的真實情感都被感受，是會有害的。

It's okay to journal about what sucks things that hurt you and how sad you are,but it's also okay to write about the things you are thankful for,what you're looking forward to and even what you're working on.

記下那些讓你傷心的事情和你有多難過沒問題，寫下你所感激的事情也是可以的，你在期待什么，甚至你正在做什么。

All feelings and things are okay,we just need to make time and space for all of it,not just one side or the other.

一切情感都是正常的，我們只需要為它們騰出時間和空間，不只是樂觀或沮喪。

If we don't make it okay to feel all the fields were just moving over from one extreme to another,and I don't know why,but people love an all or nothing,black and white mentality.

如果我們不能讓所有感情都正常表達，這就從一個極端走向另一個極端，我不知道為什么，人們喜歡走極端，黑白心態(tài)。

It's like we're addicted to that frame of mind,I think of like diets,and just the way we will talk about stuff.

就好像我們沉迷于那種心態(tài)，我想到了節(jié)食，這就是我們討論問題的方式。

We always like this,all or nothing.

我們總是喜歡這樣，全有或全無(非黑即白)。

I'm in,I'm out,I'm doing this thing,I'm not.

我要進來，我要出去；我要做這件事，我不要做。

I'm sick of it.

我煩透了。

So instead of just thinking that everything positive is toxic and that it's okay to get someone to see something on the bright side.

所以不要認為強迫積極的東西都是有害的，讓別人看到事物光明的一面也沒問題。

Here are some things that I just want you to consider First.

這里有一些我想讓你們先思考下的事情。

1. Have they brought up this same upset over and over?But don't seem to want a solution.Maybe that's a sign that they just want to vent and all you can really do is listen or encourage them to get some professional help.Rumination and orienting really isn't working,and we could try some positivity.But they may not be open to it.
2. Is this the first time they've opened up like this?If so,you should probably just listen,validate how they feel and ask if they're looking for any advice,or if they're just looking for support.Let them guide it.Don't assume that you know everything.
3. Are you uncomfortable with any expression of emotion?or possibly just the ones that you think are negative,like anger or sadness?
4. Do you worry that you don't know what to say if you don't try to get them to focus on the positives,like scrambling for what to come up with?

1. 他們是不是一遍又一遍地提起同樣的煩惱，但似乎不想要解決方法？也許這是他們想要發(fā)泄的信號，你所能做的就是傾聽或鼓勵他們去尋求一些專業(yè)的幫助。沉浸其中真的不起作用。我們可以嘗試一些積極的東西，但他們可能不會接受。
2. 這是他們第一次像這樣敞開心扉嗎？如果是這樣，你應該只是好好傾聽，確認他們的感受，問問他們是否在尋求建議或者他們只是在尋求支持。讓他們來引導它。不要以為你什么都知道。
3. 你對任何情緒表達都不自在嗎？或者只是對那些你認為是消極的情緒表達，比如憤怒和悲傷？
4. 如果你試著不讓他們關注積極的方面，你是會擔心你不知道該說什么嗎？就像急迫地想要說點什么？

I know those questions are just a start,but I do think that we would all benefit from considering these things first.

我知道，問這些問題只是個開始，但我確實認為，首先考慮這些問題對我們大家都有好處。

Do we tend to want to push every conversation into a more positive place?

我們是否傾向于將每次對話推進到一個更積極的狀態(tài)？

Are we uncomfortable with upset?And I'm not saying that we should wallow or only thing dark negative thoughts,but we should be able to feel how we feel and know that there's no judgment around it and know that there's no judgment around it and just offer some science to back up why we already seem pulled towards the negative things

我們是否因沮喪而不舒服？我并不是說我們應該墮落，或者沉迷于黑暗消極的想法中。但是我們應該能夠感覺到我們真實的感受，并且知道不要苛責你的任何情緒，只是找一些科學證據(jù)來支持為什么我們似乎已經被消極的事物所吸引。

Our brain is wired to seek out threat.

我們大腦是用來尋找威脅的。

It's constantly searching our environment for any indication that it needs to ready us for fight and flight.

大腦它不斷地搜索我們的環(huán)境，尋找任何它需要的跡象，讓我們做好戰(zhàn)斗和逃跑的準備。

Positive thoughts and wonderful things happening and aren't threatening to us,but those negative ones are so.

積極的想法和發(fā)生的美好事情，對我們沒有威脅，但是那些消極的東西有威脅。

Our brain will want to focus in on it,so it can decide whether it needs to ready us to get the hell out of there.

我們的大腦會想要關注它，這樣它就能決定是否需要讓我們做好準備逃跑離開那里。

But if the thing it's focusing on is just a thought,well,then we want to ruminate,think it through a zillion different ways and get nowhere.

但是如果大腦他關注的只是一個想法，然后我們會反復思考這個想法，想了無數(shù)個不同的方法，結果卻一無所獲。

And that's why so many people tell others to think more positively.

這就是為什么很多人告訴別人要積極思考。

It's really difficult,and we don't do it often.

這真的很難，我們也不經常這樣做。

And if you think about it,even does the fact that out brain is like surveilling our environment for threat,is what keeps us alive.

如果你仔細想想，我們的大腦就一直在監(jiān)視我們的環(huán)境以防威脅，這也讓我們得以生存。

So it's a pretty cool thing,but it can also be a little bit negative sometimes.

這是一件很酷的事情，但有時也有點負面的。

Overall,be cautious about how you interact with people,try to see things from their perspective.

總體而言，與人交往時要謹慎，試著從他們的角度看問題。

And if you're concerned with what to say or do,simply asking.

如果你關心該說什么或做什么，就直接去問。

And if they want you to listen or to help them can gou a long way,let them tell you what they need,instead of assuming that you always know what's best.

如果他們想要你傾聽或幫助他們，這就能獲得進展，讓他們告訴你他們需要什么，而不是假設你總是知道什么是最好的。

I hope you found this helpful.

我希望本文對您有所幫助。

I've been hearing so much about toxic positivity lately,and I thought it deserved a more indepth conversation.

最近我聽了很多關于有毒的樂觀的說法，我認為應該進行更深入的討論。

But I want to hear from you.What do you think about it?Do you think we've gone out of control with our think positive attitude or not?

但我想聽聽你的意見。你覺得怎么樣？你是否認為我們的過于追求積極態(tài)度的狀況已經失控了？

Let me know on those comments down below and I will see you next time.

在下方留言告訴我，我們下次再見。