正文翻譯

When you come from an Asian family, there are usually strict cultural norms to live up to. On the occasions you don’t, chances are you probably disappoint your Asian parents.

當(dāng)你來(lái)自亞洲家庭時(shí)，通常需要遵守嚴(yán)格的文化規(guī)范。有時(shí)你不這樣做，你很可能會(huì)讓你的亞洲父母感到失望。

Different Asian parents have different expectations of their children. But the benchmark tends to be high in Asian households.

亞洲父母和一般的父母對(duì)孩子有著不同的期望，但亞洲家庭的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)往往較高。

Growing up Asian in Australia, my migrant Chinese parents were strict with a traditional Chinese mindset. They wanted me to be top of the class, work a high paying job and be a smiling demure Chinese girl well-liked for her polite mannerisms. For most part I never lived up to these expectations, much to their disappointment.

我是在澳大利亞長(zhǎng)大的亞裔，我的父母是從中國(guó)移民到澳大利亞的，他們有著嚴(yán)格的中國(guó)傳統(tǒng)思維。他們希望我成為班上的尖子生，從事一份高薪的工作，做一個(gè)端莊和只能微笑的中國(guó)女孩，并因?yàn)樗亩Y貌舉止而廣受歡迎。但在大多數(shù)情況下，我從未達(dá)到他們的期望，這讓他們感到非常失望。

The Cambridge Dictionary describes disappointment as ‘the unhappiness or discouragement that results when (hopes) or expectations have not been satisfied, or someone or something that is not as good as you had hoped or expected’. That is, when you disappoint someone, that someone disagrees with your behaviour. In turn you probably feel guilty and you’re not enough for that someone. It’s a feeling that lingers.

《劍橋詞典》將失望描述為“當(dāng)(希望)或期望沒(méi)有得到滿足，或者某人或某事不如你所希望或期望的那么好時(shí)，所產(chǎn)生的不快或沮喪”。也就是說(shuō)，當(dāng)你讓某人失望時(shí)，某人會(huì)否定你。反過(guò)來(lái)，你可能會(huì)感到內(nèi)疚，覺(jué)得自己不配成為那個(gè)人的親人。這是一種揮之不去的感覺(jué)。

Strict authoritarian (and authoritative) Asian upbringing has been discussed a fair bit – from Amy Chua’s memoir Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother discussing endless piano practice sessions after school to studies showing Asian parents holding high regard for educational attainment. There has also been recent research exploring the possibility of diminishing obedience by young adults of Asian background towards authoritarian Asian parents.

從蔡美兒在回憶錄《虎媽戰(zhàn)歌》中討論放學(xué)后無(wú)休止的練習(xí)鋼琴，到研究表明亞洲父母高度重視教育和成就，嚴(yán)格的專制(和權(quán)威)的亞洲教育方式已經(jīng)被討論了很多。最近也有研究探討了亞洲背景的年輕人對(duì)專制的亞洲父母的服從程度下降的可能性。

Often the pressure to be obedient when you’re Chinese stems from familial values and cultural conditioning. Filial piety, essentially respecting and caring for your elders, is a virtue silently expected to be upheld in Chinese families. So is ‘saving face’, whereby you do not diminish your family’s reputation around others and instead maintain pride by keeping up traditions.

作為中國(guó)人，服從的壓力往往來(lái)自家庭價(jià)值觀和文化內(nèi)涵。孝順，本質(zhì)上是尊重和照顧你的長(zhǎng)輩，是一種在中國(guó)家庭中被默默地傳承的美德?！耙孀印币彩侨绱?，即你不能因?yàn)槟愕男袨槎屇愕募彝ヂ曌u(yù)受損，而是通過(guò)遵循傳統(tǒng)來(lái)保持家庭自豪感。

I felt this pressure to be the perfect Asian kid throughout my life, conflicted between living up to expectations of being Chinese and my own personal values.

在我的一生中，我感到了成為一個(gè)完美的亞洲孩子的壓力，達(dá)到中國(guó)父母的期望和遵從我自己的個(gè)人價(jià)值觀之間產(chǎn)生了矛盾。

And so here are some occasions where I’ve disobeyed and disappointed my Chinese parents.

以下是我不服從父母的一些行為，這讓我的中國(guó)父母感到失望了。

1. Not becoming a doctor, lawyer or accountant

1. 沒(méi)有成為醫(yī)生、律師或會(huì)計(jì)

In line with the concept of saving face and responsible family ideals in Confucian Asian societies, it’s a marker of success in Chinese culture to have a steady job and provide for yourself with ease. It’s Asian parent pride to raise you to be self-sufficient, especially if they were immigrants who started life over in a country with barely anything.

與亞洲儒家社會(huì)的面子觀念和勇于承擔(dān)責(zé)任的家庭價(jià)值觀相一致，在中國(guó)文化中，有一份穩(wěn)定的工作，能輕松養(yǎng)活自己是成功的標(biāo)志。把孩子培養(yǎng)成自給自足的人是亞洲父母的驕傲，尤其是如果當(dāng)他們是移民，在一個(gè)新的國(guó)家白手起家的時(shí)候。

I love writing and English was my favourite subject at school. When I got my O’Level results, the equivalent of middle high school, my heart sank as I saw the ‘B’ for English.

我喜歡寫作，英語(yǔ)是我在學(xué)校最喜歡的科目。當(dāng)我看到英語(yǔ)得到了一個(gè)非常一般的“B”的時(shí)候，我很失落。

‘That doesn’t matter!’ my dad exclaimed excitedly, peering at my results over my shoulder. ‘What matters is you got A+ for maths and physics!’

“沒(méi)關(guān)系!”爸爸在我的背后看到我的成績(jī)單，興奮地喊道。“重要的是你的數(shù)學(xué)和物理得到了A+ !””

That didn’t deter me from completing an arts degree. After university I became a freelance writer supporting myself with varying income, enough to get by. However my Chinese parents constantly let it be known, ‘See, you studied arts. Now can’t get good job!’

這并沒(méi)有阻止我拿到藝術(shù)類的學(xué)位。大學(xué)畢業(yè)后，我成了一名自由撰稿人，靠不穩(wěn)定的收入維持自己的生活。而這時(shí)我的中國(guó)父母就會(huì)向我強(qiáng)調(diào)，‘看，你學(xué)的是藝術(shù)，所以現(xiàn)在找不到好工作了!”

Part of me felt guilty: maybe I really should be setting myself up for the future. But who’s to say you have to follow the straight and narrow. The sense of competitive urgency that comes from a typical Chinese mindset can certainly motivate you to move forwards. But this stress can be suffocating when you are learning, growing and finding your way at your own pace.

我有點(diǎn)內(nèi)疚:也許我真的應(yīng)該為自己的未來(lái)做好準(zhǔn)備。但為什么你必須要循規(guī)蹈矩呢？來(lái)自典型中國(guó)人的競(jìng)爭(zhēng)心態(tài)和學(xué)習(xí)緊迫感當(dāng)然可以激勵(lì)你前進(jìn)，但是當(dāng)你在按照既定的節(jié)奏學(xué)習(xí)、成長(zhǎng)并找到自己的道路的過(guò)程中，這種壓力可能會(huì)令人窒息。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.ltaaa.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處

2. Not being a girly girl

2. 不像個(gè)乖乖女

Traditionally embodying femininity and appearing attractive to the heterosexual male gaze is expected of Chinese women. There’s the pressure to be submissive and docile to uphold patriarchal and nuclear family standards. When you don’t blend in this way as a Chinese woman, you tend to be seen as difficult and lose face.

傳統(tǒng)上，中國(guó)女性應(yīng)該體現(xiàn)女性氣質(zhì)，并能吸引異性的目光。為了維護(hù)父權(quán)和家庭的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，人們必須要順從和溫順。作為一個(gè)中國(guó)女人，如果你不這樣做，你就會(huì)被認(rèn)為很難相處，而且讓父母很沒(méi)面子。

‘Don’t sit with your legs open!’ my mum yelled each time I read a book on the couch after work, lounging with my legs apart. ‘You’re a girl! Sit properly!’ I refused to wear dresses and skirts, and according to them I looked ‘so ugly in blue jeans’ attending big Chinese wedding banquets where everyone dressed up.

“坐著的時(shí)候不要張開腿!”每每當(dāng)我下班后，叉開雙腿躺在沙發(fā)上看書，我媽媽就會(huì)對(duì)我大吼?！澳闶莻€(gè)女孩，坐姿要端正!“我不喜歡穿連衣裙和裙子，在他們看來(lái)，每個(gè)人都盛裝出席盛大的中國(guó)婚宴，而我卻穿著藍(lán)色的牛仔褲，看起來(lái)“太丑了”。

On these occasions I felt like a rebeI, never cared much for conventional gender norms or looking a certain way. While there’s always time and place to shrug on manners and keep the peace, there’s also owning your power to carve your own person free from expectations and be who you feel. You could be anyone from anywhere and be whoever you want, look however you want and speak your truth to make an impact.

在這些場(chǎng)合，我覺(jué)得自己就像一個(gè)叛逆者，從不太在意傳統(tǒng)的性別規(guī)范或某些特定的行為方式。雖然有時(shí)你確實(shí)應(yīng)該文靜有禮，但你也應(yīng)該經(jīng)常有意識(shí)地把自己從別人的期望中解放出來(lái)，做你自己。你可以在任何地方成為任何你想成為的人，說(shuō)出你的真實(shí)想法并對(duì)別人產(chǎn)生影響。

3. Walking in front of my parents

3、走在父母的前面

As a child, my parents insisted on holding my hand everywhere we went, be it to a new town miles away or to the nearby store for mundane weekly grocery trips. Being a curious kid who liked discovering things on my own, I’d often rip my hand free and eagerly skip ahead to the unknown.

小時(shí)候，無(wú)論我們?nèi)ツ睦?，無(wú)論是去幾英里外的新城鎮(zhèn)，還是每周去附近的商店買東西，父母都堅(jiān)持要牽著我的手。作為一個(gè)對(duì)世界充滿好奇的孩子，我喜歡自己去發(fā)現(xiàn)新事物，我經(jīng)常會(huì)掙脫他們的手，急切地跳到一個(gè)未知的地方。

‘Come back here! Mabel, come!’ my dad would shout immediately without a beat. ‘Don’t let go of my hand!’ This happened until I was about 14 or 15 in front of my classmates who took the public bus home from school. Seniority is deemed as superior in Chinese culture: normalisation of the masculine patriarchal protector in front with eagled-eyed view, deserving of calling the shots.

“快回來(lái)，梅布爾!”我爸爸會(huì)毫不猶豫地立刻喊道?！皠e放開我的手!”“這種情況一直持續(xù)到我十四五歲的時(shí)候，而我的同學(xué)們都是從學(xué)校自己坐公交車回家。在中國(guó)文化中，資歷被認(rèn)為是一種優(yōu)勢(shì)：男性的家長(zhǎng)目光敏銳，他們應(yīng)該站在前面發(fā)號(hào)施令，并保護(hù)后輩。

In these moments of pulling my hand away and shouting ringing in my ears, I went from feeling like a daredevil to small fry in a flash. Certainly the world is dangerous with situations and people you should avoid. But too much of staying sheltered and following the leader, you only know what you’re told to do.

當(dāng)我把手抽離，耳邊回響著父母的喊聲的時(shí)候，我瞬間從一個(gè)小可愛(ài)變成了一個(gè)小淘氣。當(dāng)然，世界是危險(xiǎn)的，你確實(shí)應(yīng)該避免去某些地方和某些人打交道，但長(zhǎng)時(shí)間躲在隱秘的地方接受別人的庇護(hù)，聽從別人的命令同樣不是解決的辦法。

4. Not greeting my parents

4. 不跟父母打招呼
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.ltaaa.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處

When I was younger, the moment my parents came home and walked through the door, they expected me to greet them right away.

當(dāng)我還小的時(shí)候，每當(dāng)我父母回家走進(jìn)家門的那一刻，他們希望我會(huì)馬上迎接他們。

‘Mabel! Where are you? Come out right now!’ dad would exclaim before the door slammed shut. It didn’t matter if I was reading in my room or taking a dump in the bathroom. Not being right there at the door to welcome them home was already suspicious or a failure, reminiscent of a servant getting into trouble and punished by the Emperor in a Chinese imperial drama. This happened so often that I simply got used to it.

“梅布爾，你在哪呢?快過(guò)來(lái)!“爸爸在門砰地關(guān)上之前喊道，不管我是在房間里看書還是在上廁所。沒(méi)有在門口迎接他們回家被認(rèn)為是非常可疑的，讓人想起在一部中國(guó)帝王劇中一個(gè)仆人惹上了麻煩，然后被皇帝懲罰了。這種情況經(jīng)常發(fā)生，我已經(jīng)習(xí)慣了。

A lack of respect for your personal space, privacy and boundaries is common in a stereotypical Chinese household. At times seniority desires control and ownership of everything within the household and so nothing really is yours, in line with the natures of patriarchy and collectivism. Arguably it can come across as impolite to ignore someone when you see them. But some need their space and not be bound by rules to feel a sense of inner peace.

缺乏對(duì)個(gè)人空間和個(gè)人隱私的尊重在一個(gè)典型的中國(guó)家庭中是很常見(jiàn)的。有時(shí)候，年長(zhǎng)者希望控制和擁有家里的一切，所以沒(méi)有什么是真正屬于你的，這符合父權(quán)制和集體主義的特質(zhì)。當(dāng)你看到某人時(shí)忽視他們是不禮貌的，但有些人需要自己的空間，可以讓自己不受規(guī)則的束縛，以感受內(nèi)心的平靜。

5. Not serving the rice correctly

5. 沒(méi)有正確上米飯

Food and eating well is a big part of Chinese culture. There’s this Chinese saying that goes, ‘Disease comes from the mouth’ – be mindful about eating for your health in other words.

飲食文化是中國(guó)文化的重要組成部分。中國(guó)有句諺語(yǔ)說(shuō)，“病從口入”，也就是說(shuō)，為了健康，要注意飲食習(xí)慣。

Rice accompanies Chinese family dinners alongside the meat and vegetable dishes. The rice has to be served just right. Not undercooked, watery or raw for a Chinese dinner at home, as comedian Jimmy O’Yang wrote in How to American: An Immigrant’s Guide to Disappointing Your Parents.

在中國(guó)家庭的晚餐中，米飯會(huì)與肉類和蔬菜一起出現(xiàn)，米飯要做得恰到好處。就像喜劇演員Jimmy O'Yang在《如何成為美國(guó)人:一個(gè)讓父母失望的移民指南》中所寫的那樣，在家里吃中餐時(shí)，米飯不要做得不夠熟或太稀。

Each time my mum scooped the steaming rice out from the rice cooker for dinner, she ordered, ‘Mabel! Call daddy from over there to sik fan (eat) now! Now! Or else the rice get cold! Call louder!’. I would obediently call for my dad to come to the table. Sometimes he didn’t walk over immediately – maybe he didn’t hear my soft-spoken voice. Maybe I was to blame.

每當(dāng)準(zhǔn)備吃晚飯，我媽媽從電飯鍋里舀出熱氣騰騰的米飯時(shí)，她都會(huì)叫道:“梅布爾!去叫你爸爸現(xiàn)在來(lái)吃飯!不然飯就涼了!大點(diǎn)聲叫!”。這時(shí)我會(huì)乖乖地去叫爸爸過(guò)來(lái)吃飯。有時(shí)他沒(méi)有馬上過(guò)來(lái)——也許他沒(méi)有聽到我輕聲細(xì)語(yǔ)的聲音，或許這是我的錯(cuò)。

Of these times when my dad finally sat down at the dinner table, he’d take a bite of rice. Mouth chewing rice, dad raged, ‘The rice is not warm enough! It’s cold! Take it back to the pot!’, slamming his chopsticks down on the table. Silence echoed through the house.

每當(dāng)我爸爸姍姍來(lái)遲，終于坐在餐桌旁時(shí)，他會(huì)吃一口米飯，然后大發(fā)雷霆，“米飯不夠熱!把它放回鍋里去熱!“說(shuō)著，他把筷子砰地一聲放在桌子上，屋子里一片寂靜。

During these occasions eating at home felt small and unappetising. Having a meal hot or cold is something to be thankful for. But no matter how good the food tastes or how cosy the ambience, you’d probably never forget the unhappy diner who sat next to you.

在這種情況下，在家吃飯會(huì)讓人感覺(jué)很沒(méi)胃口。有一頓飯可以吃總是值得感謝的，無(wú)論是熱的還是冷的。但無(wú)論食物的味道有多好，環(huán)境有多舒適，你可能永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)忘記坐在你旁邊的不開心的用餐者。

* * *
Strict Asian parents arguably show tough, practical love and it comes from a place of care. They hope for opportunities and a comfortable future for their children, shaping them to be tough to face the world and its challenges. Often they put their own interests and more importantly their own time aside to make sure they learn life’s lessons.

嚴(yán)格的亞洲父母可以說(shuō)表現(xiàn)出了一種強(qiáng)硬的關(guān)愛(ài)。他們希望為自己的孩子提供機(jī)會(huì)和舒適的未來(lái)，塑造他們堅(jiān)毅的品性，以面對(duì)世界和應(yīng)對(duì)各種挑戰(zhàn)。他們經(jīng)常把他們自己的興趣，更重要的是他們自己的時(shí)間放在一邊，以確保他們的后輩能學(xué)到人生的經(jīng)驗(yàn)。

Different people have different wants and needs, different reactions and feelings in each situation. The constant insistence to conform to cultural expectations certainly has its consequences on your personality, emotions and mental health.

不同的人在不同的情況下有不同的欲望和需求，不同的反應(yīng)和感受。不斷地堅(jiān)持符合文化的期望當(dāng)然會(huì)對(duì)你的個(gè)性、情感和心理健康產(chǎn)生影響。

In her book Quiet is a Superpower, author Jill Chang writes that ‘finding your core values is never an easy journey, especially in Eastern societies’. Research on psychological behaviour shows Chinese American individuals tend to value emotional suppression to preserve interpersonal harmony but this may not be the case in Western cultures. A study also found disempowering parenting and intergenerational cultural conflict creates mental distress among Asian youths.

作者Jill Chang在她的《安靜是一種超能力》一書中寫道，“找到你的核心價(jià)值觀從來(lái)都不是一件容易的事，尤其是在東方社會(huì)”。對(duì)心理行為的研究表明，美籍華人傾向于抑制個(gè)人情緒以保持人際和諧，但在西方文化中可能并非如此。一項(xiàng)研究還發(fā)現(xiàn)，父母的嚴(yán)厲管教和代際文化沖突對(duì)亞洲年輕人造成了精神困擾。

In other words, the collectivist mentality and hegemonic power dynamics in Asian cultures can considerably suppress individual identity and confidence to speak and live your truth. At times, such culturally commanding actions borders on abuse and leads to long-term trauma, intentionally or unintentionally.

換句話說(shuō)，亞洲文化中的集體主義心態(tài)可以在很大程度上壓制個(gè)人的身份認(rèn)同和活出真正的自己的信心。有時(shí)，這種在文化上居高臨下的行為近乎霸凌，會(huì)有意或無(wú)意地導(dǎo)致別人長(zhǎng)期受到創(chuàng)傷。

In general, people don’t want to upset each other if they can avoid it. That includes not wanting to disappoint your parents – and you may get stuck in the cycle of the fear of disappointing others. Aside from feeling guilty and struck by fear of being the cause someone is unhappy, you might constantly focus on avoiding disappointing your Asian parents – submitting to cultural stereotypes and unable to see past what you’re being told behind closed doors or see what’s possible elsewhere.

一般來(lái)說(shuō)，如果可以避免的話，人們都不想讓對(duì)方不高興。這包括不想讓你的父母感到失望——你可能會(huì)陷入害怕讓別人感到失望的惡性循環(huán)中。因?yàn)楦械絻?nèi)疚，你可能會(huì)一直專注于避免讓你的亞洲父母感到失望，屈從于刻板的文化，局限于別人關(guān)起門來(lái)告訴你的東西，無(wú)法看到其它的可能性。

You can’t please everyone all the time as everyone will have their opinions. As self-care coach Cheryl Richardson wrote in The Art of Disappointing Others, you have to learn to disappoint others to live a life of meaning. But moving forward amidst the criticism of not living up to cultural values can be easier said than done.

你不可能一直取悅所有人，因?yàn)槊總€(gè)人都會(huì)有自己的看法。正如自我護(hù)理訓(xùn)練師謝麗爾.理查森在《讓別人失望的藝術(shù)》一書中所寫的那樣，你必須學(xué)會(huì)讓別人感到失望，這樣你的生活才有意義。但是，在不符合文化價(jià)值觀的批評(píng)中前進(jìn)，說(shuō)起來(lái)容易做起來(lái)難。

For one, you may desire and feel the pressure to make it without the help of your family. If you don’t be successful on your own as how you imagined, you might be horribly disappointed. More specifically, disappointed in yourself alongside that perfectionist side within you, which likely stems from the strict cultural values you’ve always known.

你可能希望感受到壓力，希望在沒(méi)有家人幫助的情況下完成任務(wù)。但如果你不能像你想象的那樣靠自己取得成功，你可能會(huì)非常失望。更具體地說(shuō)，你會(huì)對(duì)自己感到失望，而你內(nèi)心中的完美主義的一面可能正是源于你一直遵從的嚴(yán)格的文化價(jià)值觀。

Being creative and a writer doesn’t always come easy to me. It took time to unlearn feeling unimportant amidst the discouragement ingrained within me and believe in writing, which includes setting boundaries with both yourself and others, surrounding yourself with supportive people and finding middle ground between you and those who disagree – keeping in mind this last suggestion isn’t always achievable.

成為一個(gè)有創(chuàng)造力的作家對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)并不容易。我花了很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間才戰(zhàn)勝了在內(nèi)心中根深蒂固的挫敗感，并相信自己的寫作能力，這包括為自己和他人設(shè)定界限，讓支持自己的人圍繞在自己周圍，在你和那些持不同意見(jiàn)的人之間找到客觀立場(chǎng)——記住，最后這條建議并不總是可行的。

Sometimes you might disappoint your parents. Sometimes if you don’t follow your own truth, you might disappoint yourself even more.

有時(shí)你可能會(huì)不得不讓你的父母感到失望。因?yàn)橛袝r(shí)候，如果你不遵從于自己的內(nèi)心，你可能會(huì)讓自己感到更加失望。

Have you ever disappointed your parents?

你曾經(jīng)讓你的父母感到失望過(guò)嗎?