???????I was born in a scholarly family. Being imbued with the idea that a human being should adapt to society and his environment at a very early age, I never ventured to sing a different tone to the constituent majority of a group. Every time when I tried to assimilate into the crowd and some discords happened, I always regard myself to be the fall guy to be blamed: you are a good-for-nothing, you become an abhorrence again! If you go on like this, you will soon be driven out of the group! If I could be said too immature, illiterate, childish and thoughtless to have any thought against what parents told me as a boy, then I was so learned, well-informed and deliberate when I was grown up that, as I was well-acquainted with theories of different schools, I began to be suspicious about the idea I accepted as a golden rule before.?

???????我出生在一個書香門第，在從小就被 “人應該去適應社會以及他所處的環(huán)境”之觀念的洗腦下，我從來都不敢跟構(gòu)成一個群體的絕大多數(shù)人唱反調(diào)，每當我在融入社會的過程中出了偏差，我都會在心里暗暗責怪自己：你真沒用，你又成了一個所有人討厭的對象！如果繼續(xù)這樣下去，你很快就會被驅(qū)逐出群體了！如果說幼年的我因為幼稚、不成熟、讀書少、沒心沒肺而不會產(chǎn)生任何與父母灌輸給我的相對立的想法，那么長大成人后的我因為學識淵博、見多識廣和深思熟慮，在博覽群書、通讀了各家理論以后我開始對早年被奉為金科玉律的那些觀念產(chǎn)生了疑問。?

???????When I considered the idea “a human being should adapt to society” carefully, I found everyone is born to be a unique individual. When he gives up himself and caters to what a society needs, he is certain to reduce to a “screw” and, consequently, lose his meaning of life. If there is something wrong with the society, say, Nazi Germany and Manchukuo, everyone adapts to it must be twisted into a deformed screw and in this way leads an abnormal life. Even if China today is associated with modernity, advanced technology and fast economic growth, its disadvantages are too obvious to be ignored: money is considered to be a yardstick to measure everything, while the invisible spirit value doesn’t worth a cent; the college entrance examination plays an important role in seal every student’s fate, a genius is doomed to be ignored if he is not a qualified examinee; collectivism matters more than individualism, you will be a target of public criticism if you don’t follow the crowd. Even though you are far from being twisted into an abnormal human being when you adjust yourself to the modern Chinese society, you will lose your personality and reduce to an unreal being. Take myself as an example, if I abandon myself, assimilate into the society, find a job in it and lead an ordinary life, I must give up my music career, because, as it can’t promote economic growth, it is scarcely needed by any group, and take up a job I am neither good at nor fond of, because what I am proficient in is not demanded by industrial society.

???????當我認真思考“人應該適應社會”的觀念時，我發(fā)現(xiàn)每個人生來就是一個獨特的個體，當他放棄自我去迎合社會的需要時，他必定會淪為一顆小小的“螺絲釘”并因而失去他人生的意義，如果社會出了問題，比如納粹德國、滿洲國，每個適應社會的人都必定會被強扭成一顆畸形的螺絲釘并因此病態(tài)地度過一生。即便如今的中國總是跟現(xiàn)代化、高科技和快速經(jīng)濟發(fā)展聯(lián)系在一起，它身上弊病依然是不容忽視的：金錢是衡量一切的標準，而那些看不見摸不著的精神價值卻被人看得一文不值；高考在決定每個學生命運的過程中扮演著至關(guān)緊要的角色，一個天才只要不能成為試卷上的英雄就注定會被埋沒掉；集體主義總是比個人主義更重要，只要你不肯隨大流就會成為眾矢之的的箭靶子，即便你在融入當代中國社會的過程中遠不會被強扭成一個畸形的人，你也會在此期間失去你的個性并淪為一種非真實的存在，就拿我自己來說吧，如果我放棄自己，融入社會、找份工作并過上正常人的生活，我就必須舍棄自己的音樂事業(yè)，因為它不能促進經(jīng)濟增長，所以任何一個小圈子對搞音樂的人都沒什么需求，并找一份自己既不喜歡也不擅長的工作，因為我所擅長的都是工業(yè)社會不需要的。

? ? ? ?The germ of a whimsical idea that “I am normal and the whole society is a deformed outcome, I am a noble prince and everyone else is the slave of money” takes root in my mind when I have read extensively in western philosophy recently. The idea seems ridiculous at first sight: you are neither Einstein nor Marx, how can you say you are healthier than everybody around you? Whether it is objective or not, it can make a great weight off my shoulders: with the idea that a human being must adapt to society in my mind, I constantly blame myself for failing to be up to the standard; when I changed to its opposite, an old Chinese saying “everyone is filthy whereas I am pure, everybody is drunk whereas I am sober” soon floated into my mind. In this way, I am by no means as depressed and agonizing as I used to be when I had the strong impression that everyone is inferior to and humbler than me.

???????當我最近廣泛涉獵西方哲學的經(jīng)典文獻以后，我萌生了“只有我是正常的，而整個社會都是畸形發(fā)展的產(chǎn)物；我是一個高貴的王子，而其他所有人都是金錢的奴隸”的古怪想法，這想法乍看上去很荒唐：你既不是愛因斯坦也不是馬克思，憑什么說你比周圍的所有人更健康？不管它是否反映了客觀事實，它至少能讓我卸下負擔、輕裝上陣：當我抱著人必須適應社會的想法的時候，我總是責怪自己達不到理想的目標；當我轉(zhuǎn)向它對立面的時候，中國的一句古話“舉世混濁予獨清，眾人皆醉予獨醒”立馬就浮現(xiàn)在我的腦海當中，就這樣，當我感覺所有人都不如我、都比我卑賤之際，我不再如以前那般痛苦和郁郁寡歡了。

???????To be frank, values have nothing to do with truth. You can lead a happy life even when your values seem to be full of holes. When I attended services and get in touch with those Christians, I found they had a ridiculous view of the world: the world is created by God, mankind is the descendant of Adam and Eve, Jesus had been risen from the dead, everyone has to stand trial after death and you will go to heaven as long as you adhere to your faith. I would have thought they are deceiving themselves: how is mankind created by God from vanity? Where are we tried when our bodies have already decayed? How can miracles befall you when its chance is less than winning lottery? Nevertheless, their faith gives them a kind of inward peace which can help them stand the test of violent storms and waves. Even if it is true that religious belief is a kind of delusion, why don’t we accept it as it can improve our subjective well-being? Objectivity is of no account to us, what matters is how we look at it. When you are optimistic, no matter how?blind, unrealistic and scornful it seems to be, everything in your eyes will be beautiful; alternatively, your life will be full of misery and depression. Even if there exists an objective world, none of us is able to have knowledge about it.?Philosophy has developed for thousands of years and everyone among them endeavored to find some objective answer for the world, but no unanimous conclusion can be drawn?until now.?In my view,?our consciousness likes colored glasses, every information we get from the outside world must be processed by it.?The difference between the processed information, known as knowledge, and the original one, known as perceptual materials, is like cooked meat and raw meat.?The function of our mind?is to?“cook”the information?into what we can understand and “eat”.?As?consciousnesses vary enormously and?there?are?thousands of ways to process the perceptual materials, there must exist thousands of views of life.?

???????老實說，價值觀跟客觀事實一毛錢關(guān)系都沒有，即便你的價值觀漏洞百出，你也能過上幸福的生活，當我參加禮拜并結(jié)識了那幫基督徒以后，我發(fā)現(xiàn)他們抱著一種特別荒唐的世界觀：世界是上帝創(chuàng)造的，人類是亞當夏娃的后裔，耶穌死里復活，所有人死后都要接受審判，只有那些篤信上帝的才能上天堂，我本以為他們只是在自欺欺人：上帝怎么就憑空從虛無中造出了人類？當我們的肉體腐爛以后，我們?nèi)ツ膬航邮軐徟?？既然奇跡發(fā)生的概率比中彩票還低，那又怎么可能降臨在你的身上？盡管如此，他們的信仰卻能給予他們一種任憑風吹浪打，勝似閑庭行步般的內(nèi)心平靜感，即便那些宗教信仰真的是一個哄騙人的把戲，只要能提高我們的主觀幸福感，相信它又何妨？客觀性根本就無關(guān)緊要，重要的是我們怎么看待它，當你抱有樂觀的態(tài)度，就算是盲目、超越現(xiàn)實和被所有人嗤之以鼻的，你看到的所有東西都是美的，反之，你的生活中將充滿了悲慘和不幸，即便真的存在一個客觀的世界，也沒有人能夠得到關(guān)于它的知識，哲學發(fā)展了數(shù)千年，每一位哲學家都試圖為世界找到一個客觀的答案，但直到如今仍然是莫衷一是，在我看來，我們的意識就像是一個有色眼鏡，所有我們從外界得到的信息都要經(jīng)過它的加工，加工成的信息，也叫知識，跟原始信息，也叫感性材料，的區(qū)別就像熟肉和生肉的區(qū)別一樣，意識的功能就是將它“烹飪”成我們可理解和“吃”的東西，既然不同意識之間的差別如此之大、存在著數(shù)千種加工感性材料的方式，那就必定有數(shù)千種截然不同的世界觀。

???????Compare my new outlook on life with the Holy Bible, it, though not so systematic and rhetorical as that classic one, can provide a reasonable theoretical foundation for my current situation: for one thing I am satisfied with what I am doing now: writing music,?dig into western philosophy?and?expand my knowledge, for another I need a good attitude against those misunderstanding eyes. With the idea “I am the only normal man while the whole world is deformed” in my heart, I, instead of?feeling myself inferior than anyone, go so far as to pity the majority because they are too stupid to realize the truth that they have already been twisted into a deformed screw,?even if I can only be counted as a failure in most people’s eyes. As there are thousands of ways of life and values in the world, why can’t I choose an alternative one when it is able to make me happier and healthier?

???????如果拿我的新人生觀跟圣經(jīng)作比較，它盡管遠不如那部經(jīng)典那般系統(tǒng)化和文辭優(yōu)美，卻能為我的現(xiàn)狀提供一種合理的理論依據(jù)：一方面我對自己正在從事的事業(yè)（寫曲子、深究西方哲學和擴展我的知識面）感到滿足；另一方面我需要一個好的心態(tài)來對付那些不理解的眼光，當我抱著“只有我正常，整個世界都是畸形發(fā)展的產(chǎn)物”之想法的時候，即便所有人都將我看作一個失敗者，我不僅不會為此而感到自卑，反而甚至因為他們太蠢了根本就意識不到自己已經(jīng)被強扭成了一顆畸形的螺絲釘而可憐他們，這個世界上有千千萬萬種活法和價值觀，只要我選擇的價值觀能讓我快樂和健康，選一個非主流的又何妨？

???????I am that Claudio Huang who refuse to follow the crowd.

???????我就是那個不隨大流的黃越青。