00:01

So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event. And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little?flyer." And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?" And she said, "Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant."?

• flyer：N-COUNT A flyer is a small printed notice which is used to advertise a particular company, service, or event. 宣傳單

那我就這么開始吧：?幾年前，一個活動策劃人打電話給我，?因為我當時要做一個演講。?她在電話里說：?“我真很苦惱該如何在宣傳單上?介紹你?！?我心想，怎么會苦惱呢？?她繼續(xù)道：“你看，我聽過你的演講，?我覺得我可以稱你為研究者，?可我擔心的是，如果我這么稱呼你，沒人會來聽，?因為大家普遍認為研究員很無趣而且脫離現(xiàn)實?！?

、

來源：?https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability/transcript?rid=tNlroTOkz3gY00:26

And I was like, "Okay." And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller. So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller." And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, "You're going to call me a what?" And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller." And I was like, "Why not 'magic?pixie'?"?

• pixie：N-COUNT A pixie is an imaginary little creature like a fairy. Pixies have pointed ears and wear pointed hats. (童話中長著尖耳、頭戴尖頂帽的)小精靈; 小仙子

我說：“?好?！?然后她說：“但是我喜歡你的演講，?就跟講故事一樣很吸引人。?我想來想去，還是覺得稱你為講故事的人比較妥當?！?而那個做學(xué)術(shù)的，感到不安的我?脫口而出道：“你要叫我什么？”?她說：“我要稱你為講故事的人。"?我心想：”為什么不干脆叫魔法小精靈？“?

00:48

I was like, "Let me think about this for a second." I tried to call deep on my courage. And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I'm a qualitative researcher. I collect stories; that's what I do. And maybe stories are just data with a soul. And maybe I'm just a storyteller. And so I said, "You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller." And she went, "Ha ha. There's no such thing."?

我說：”讓我考慮一下?！?我試著鼓起勇氣。?我對自己說，我是一個講故事的人。?我是一個從事定性研究的科研人員。?我收集故事；這就是我的工作。?或許故事就是有靈魂的數(shù)據(jù)。?或許我就是一個講故事的人。?于是我說：”聽著，?要不你就稱我為做研究兼講故事的人。“?她說：”哈哈，沒這么個說法呀?！?

01:16

So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today -- we're talking about expanding?perception?-- and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.?

• perception：N-COUNT Perception is the recognition of things using your senses, especially the sense of sight. (尤指通過視覺的) 感知

所以我是個做研究兼講故事的人，?我今天想跟大家談?wù)摰?-?我們要談?wù)摰脑掝}是關(guān)于拓展認知--?我想給你們講幾個故事?是關(guān)于我的一份研究的，?這份研究從本質(zhì)上拓寬了我個人的認知，?也確確實實改變了我生活、愛、?工作還有教育孩子的方式。

01:34

And this is where my story starts. When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year, I had a research professor who said to us, "Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist." And I thought he was just sweet-talking me. I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely." And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's and a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it." And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a?bento?box."?

• bento：N a thin box, made of plastic or lacquered wood, divided into compartments which contain small separate dishes comprising a Japanese meal, esp lunch 便當

我的故事從這里開始。?當我還是個年輕的博士研究生的時候，?第一年，有位研究教授?對我們說：?”事實是這樣的，?如果有一個東西你無法測量，那么它就不存在?！?我心想他只是在哄哄我們這些小孩子吧。?我說：“真的么？” 他說：“當然。”?你得知道?我有一個社會工作的學(xué)士文憑，一個社會工作的碩士文憑，?我在讀的是一個社會工作的博士文憑，?所以我整個學(xué)術(shù)生涯?都被人所包圍，?他們大抵相信?生活是一團亂麻，接受它。?而我的觀點則傾向于，生活是一團亂麻，?解開它，把它整理好，?再歸類放入便當盒里。?

02:19

And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me -- really, one of the big sayings in social work is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work." And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's. That was my?mantra. So I was very excited about this. And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics. But I want to be able to make them not messy. I want to understand them. I want to hack into these things that I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.?

• mantra：N-COUNT You can use mantra to refer to a statement or a principle that people repeat very often because they think it is true, especially when you think that it not true or is only part of the truth. 準則

我覺得我領(lǐng)悟到了關(guān)鍵，?有能力去創(chuàng)一番事業(yè)，讓自己--?真的，社會工作的一個重要理念是?置身于工作的不適中。?我就是要把這不適翻個底朝天?每科都拿到A。?這就是我當時的信條。?我當時真的是躍躍欲試。?我想這就是我要的職業(yè)生涯，?因為我對亂成一團，難以處理的課題感興趣。?我想要把它們弄清楚。?我想要理解它們。?我想侵入那些?我知道是重要的東西?把它們摸透，然后用淺顯易懂的方式呈獻給每一個人。?

02:57

So where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice, mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is -- neurobiologically that's how we're wired -- it's why we're here.?

所以我的起點是“關(guān)系”。?因為當你從事了10年的社會工作，?你必然會發(fā)現(xiàn)?關(guān)系是我們活著的原因。?它賦予了我們生命的意義。?就是這么簡單。?無論你跟誰交流?工作在社會執(zhí)法領(lǐng)域的也好，負責(zé)精神健康、虐待和疏于看管領(lǐng)域的也好?我們所知道的是，關(guān)系?是種感應(yīng)的能力--?生物神經(jīng)上，我們是這么被設(shè)定的--?這就是為什么我們在這兒。?

03:28

So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection. Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things that you do really awesome, and one "opportunity for growth?"?

所以我就從關(guān)系開始。?下面這個場景我們再熟悉不過了，?你的上司給你作工作評估，?她告訴了你37點你做得相當棒的地方，?還有一點--成長的空間？?

03:43

And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most?excruciating?experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.?

• excruciating：ADJ If you describe something as excruciating, you are emphasizing that it is extremely painful, either physically or emotionally. 極痛苦的 [強調(diào)]

然后你滿腦子都想著那一點成長的空間，不是么。?這也是我研究的一個方面，?因為當你跟人們談?wù)搻矍椋?他們告訴你的是一件讓他們心碎的事。?當你跟人們談?wù)摎w屬感，?他們告訴你的是最讓他們痛心的?被排斥的經(jīng)歷。?當你跟人們談?wù)撽P(guān)系，?他們跟我講的是如何被斷絕關(guān)系的故事。?

04:07

So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research -- I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely?unraveled?connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection??

unravel：V-T/V-I If you unravel a mystery or puzzle, or it unravels, it gradually becomes clearer until you can work out the answer to it. 揭開

所以很快的--在大約開始研究這個課題6周以后-- 我遇到了這個前所未聞的東西 它揭示了關(guān)系 以一種我不理解也從沒見過的方式。 所以我暫停了原先的研究計劃， 對自己說，我得弄清楚這到底是什么。 它最終被鑒定為恥辱感。 恥辱感很容易理解， 即害怕被斷絕關(guān)系。 有沒有一些關(guān)于我的事 如果別人知道了或看到了， 會認為我不值得交往。?

04:40

The things I can tell you about it: It's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it, the more you have it. What?underpinned?this shame, this "I'm not good enough," -- which, we all know that feeling: "I'm not?blank?enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough." The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability. This idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.?

• underpin：V-T If one thing underpins another, it helps the other thing to continue or succeed by supporting and strengthening it. 支撐; 加固

• blank：ADJ Something that is blank has nothing on it. 空白的; 空的

我要告訴你們的是： 這種現(xiàn)象很普遍；我們都會有（這種想法）。 沒有體驗過恥辱的人 不具有人類的同情或關(guān)系。 沒人想談?wù)撟约旱聂苁拢?你談?wù)摰脑缴?，你越感到可恥。 滋生恥辱感的 是一種“我不夠好."的心態(tài)-- 我們都知道這是個什么滋味： ”我不夠什么。我不夠苗條， 不夠有錢，不夠漂亮，不夠聰明， 職位不夠高?！?而支撐這種心態(tài)的 是一種刻骨銘心的脆弱， 關(guān)鍵在于 要想產(chǎn)生關(guān)系， 我們必須讓自己被看見， 真真切切地被看見。?

05:20

And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my?measuring stick. I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out, I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to?outsmart?it. So I was ready, and I was really excited. As you know,?it's not going to turn out well.?

• measuring stick：標尺；量尺

• outsmart：V-T If you outsmart someone, you defeat them or gain an advantage over them in a clever and sometimes dishonest way. 智取

你知道我怎么看待脆弱。我恨它。 所以我思考著，這次是輪到我 用我的標尺擊潰它的時候了。 我要闖進去，把它弄清楚， 我要花一年的時間，徹底瓦解恥辱， 我要搞清楚脆弱是怎么運作的， 然后我要智取勝過它。 所以我準備好了，非常興奮。 跟你預(yù)計的一樣，事與愿違。

05:49

You know this. So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time. But here's what I can tell you that it?boils down to?-- and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research.?

• boil down to：PHRASAL VERB If you say that a situation or problem boils down to a particular thing or can be boiled down to a particular thing, you mean that this is the most important or the most basic aspect of it. (情況或問題) 歸根結(jié)底

?你知道這個（結(jié)果）。 我能告訴你關(guān)于恥辱的很多東西， 但那樣我就得占用別人的時間了。 但我在這兒可以告訴你，歸根到底 -- 這也許是我學(xué)到的最重要的東西 在從事研究的數(shù)十年中。?

06:04

My one year turned into six years: Thousands of stories, hundreds of long interviews, focus groups. At one point, people were sending me journal pages and sending me their stories -- thousands of pieces of data in six years. And I kind of got a handle on it. I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works. I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay -- and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness -- that's what this?comes down to, a sense of worthiness -- they have a strong sense of love and belonging -- and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.?

• come down to：PHRASAL VERB If a problem, decision, or question comes down to a particular thing, that thing is the most important factor involved. 主要涉及到

我預(yù)計的一年 變成了六年， 成千上萬的故事， 成百上千個采訪，焦點集中。 有時人們發(fā)給我期刊報道， 發(fā)給我他們的故事 -- 不計其數(shù)的數(shù)據(jù)，就在這六年中。 我大概掌握了它。?我大概理解了這就是恥辱， 這就是它的運作方式。 我寫了本書， 我出版了一個理論， 但總覺得哪里不對勁 -- 它其實是， 如果我粗略地把我采訪過的人 分成 具有自我價值感的人 -- 說到底就是 自我價值感 -- 他們勇于去愛并且擁有強烈的歸屬感 -- 另一部分則是為之苦苦掙扎的人， 總是懷疑自己是否足夠好的人。?

06:56

There was only one?variable?that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it. They believe they're worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.?

• variable：N-COUNT A variable is a factor that can change in quality, quantity, or size, that you have to take into account in a situation. 可變因素

區(qū)分那些 敢于去愛 并擁有強烈歸屬感的人 和那些為之而苦苦掙扎的人的變量只有一個。 那就是，那些敢于去愛 并擁有強烈歸屬感的人 相信他們值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感。 就這么簡單。 他們相信自己的價值。 而對于我， 那個阻礙人與人之間關(guān)系的最困難的部分 是我們對于自己不值得享有這種關(guān)系的恐懼， 無論從個人，還是職業(yè)上 我都覺得我有必要去更深入地了解它。 所以接下來 我找出所有的采訪記錄 找出那些體現(xiàn)自我價值的，那些持有這種觀念的記錄， 集中研究它們。?

07:40

What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk. So I had?a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were "whole-hearted." These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data. In fact, I did it first in a four-day, very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled the interviews, the stories, pulled the incidents. What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just writing and in my researcher mode.?

• a manila folder：馬尼拉文件夾；(輕的、厚紙做的)文件夾

這群人有什么共同之處？ 我對辦公用品有點癡迷， 但這是另一個話題了。 我有一個牛皮紙文件夾，還有一個三福極好筆， 我心想，我該怎么給這項研究命名呢？ 第一個蹦入我腦子的是 全心全意這個詞。 這是一群全心全意，靠著一種強烈的自我價值感在生活的人們。 所以我在牛皮紙夾的上端這樣寫道， 而后我開始查看數(shù)據(jù)。 事實上，我開始是 用四天時間 集中分析數(shù)據(jù)， 我從頭找出那些采訪，找出其中的故事和事件。 主題是什么？有什么規(guī)律？ 我丈夫帶著孩子離開了小鎮(zhèn)， 因為我老是陷入像杰克遜.波洛克（美國近代抽象派畫家）似的瘋狂狀態(tài)， 我一直在寫， 完全沉浸在研究的狀態(tài)中。?

08:28

And so here's what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word "cor," meaning "heart" -- and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.?

下面是我的發(fā)現(xiàn)。 這些人的共同之處在于 勇氣。 我想在這里先花一分鐘跟大家區(qū)分一下勇氣和膽量。 勇氣，最初的定義， 當它剛出現(xiàn)在英文里的時候 -- 是從拉丁文cor，意為心，演變過來的 -- 最初的定義是 真心地敘述一個故事，告訴大家你是誰的。 所以這些人 就具有勇氣 承認自己不完美。 他們具有同情心， 先是對自己的，再是對他人的， 因為，事實是，我們?nèi)绻荒苌拼约海?我們也無法善待他人。 最后一點，他們都能和他人建立關(guān)系， -- 這是很難做到的-- 前提是他們必須坦誠， 他們愿意放開自己設(shè)定的那個理想的自我 以換取真正的自我， 這是贏得關(guān)系的 必要條件。

09:28

The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first ... the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees ... the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your?mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental.?

• mammogram：N-COUNT A mammogram is a test that uses x-rays to check whether women have breast cancer. 乳房X光攝影檢查

他們還有另外一個共同之處 那就是， 他們?nèi)唤邮艽嗳酢?他們相信 讓他們變得脆弱的東西 也讓他們變得美麗。 他們不認為脆弱 是尋求舒適， 也不認為脆弱是鉆心的疼痛 -- 正如我之前在關(guān)于恥辱的采訪中聽到的。 他們只是簡單地認為脆弱是必須的。 他們會談到愿意 說出"我愛你"， 愿意 做些 沒有的事情， 愿意 等待醫(yī)生的電話， 在做完乳房X光檢查之后。 他們愿意為情感投資， 無論有沒有結(jié)果。 他們覺得這些都是最根本的。