中英文稿

在我小的時(shí)候， 對(duì)吉尼斯世界紀(jì)錄大全很著迷，?并且真的很想創(chuàng)造一個(gè) 屬于我自己的世界紀(jì)錄。?但是有一個(gè)小問(wèn)題：?那就是我完全沒(méi)有什么天賦。?所以我決定去創(chuàng)造一個(gè) 完全不需要任何技巧?就能達(dá)成的世界紀(jì)錄。?我決定去創(chuàng)造一個(gè)?爬行的世界紀(jì)錄。

當(dāng)時(shí)的紀(jì)錄是12.5英里，?而且出于某種原因 這看起來(lái)很容易辦到。

我找來(lái)了我的朋友安妮，?我們一起決定行動(dòng)了， 甚至都不需要訓(xùn)練。

在我們挑戰(zhàn)紀(jì)錄那一天，?我們將家具墊綁在 幸運(yùn)牛仔褲外面，?然后我們開(kāi)始了，?很快，我們就遇到麻煩了，?因?yàn)榕Ｗ胁剂蠒?huì)產(chǎn)生磨擦，?開(kāi)始擦傷皮膚，?所以很快我們的膝蓋就磨破了。?幾個(gè)小時(shí)后，?開(kāi)始下雨了。?然后，安妮退出了。?再然后，天黑了。?到了這會(huì)兒，我的膝蓋血流不止， 并且透過(guò)了牛仔褲，?寒冷的天氣、疼痛，?以及單調(diào)的動(dòng)作使我產(chǎn)生了幻覺(jué)。?可以給你們形容一下 我當(dāng)時(shí)遭受的痛苦，?爬完第一圈跑道花了我們10分鐘。?而最后一圈差不多是30分鐘。

在12個(gè)小時(shí)的爬行后，?我停下了，?我總共爬了8.5英里。?離12.5英里的紀(jì)錄還有一定距離。

此后很多年，我一直認(rèn)為 這是一個(gè)關(guān)于悲慘失敗的故事，?但是今天我對(duì)此有了另一種看法，?因?yàn)楫?dāng)我向世界紀(jì)錄沖刺的時(shí)候，?我做著三件事。?我在走出我的安樂(lè)窩，?我在號(hào)召我的恢復(fù)力，?我在為我自己以及我所做的?決定找回自信。?當(dāng)時(shí)我并沒(méi)有意識(shí)到，?但是這些都不是失敗所具有的特質(zhì)。?而是勇氣的特征。

到了1989年，我26歲時(shí)?成為了舊金山的一名消防員，?而我是這個(gè)有著1500人的 部門(mén)中的第15位女性員工。

正如你們所想象的，當(dāng)我入職時(shí)?面臨著許多對(duì)于我是否 能勝作這份工作的質(zhì)疑。?雖然我曾是身高177cm， 體重150磅的大學(xué)賽艇手，?并且能夠忍受膝蓋上 長(zhǎng)達(dá)12個(gè)小時(shí)的劇烈疼痛——

但我知道我依然不得不證明 我的實(shí)力以及我能夠適應(yīng)這里。

有一天，一個(gè)火警電話打了進(jìn)來(lái)，?當(dāng)我們消防小隊(duì)趕到的時(shí)候， 我非常確定?滾滾黑煙正從一個(gè) 小巷中的一棟建筑中冒出。?而我當(dāng)時(shí)正跟一個(gè)叫做 斯基普的大個(gè)子在一起，?他在消防車噴頭那里，我在他后方，?這是一次很典型的火災(zāi)。?濃煙彌漫，高溫炙熱，?突然之間?發(fā)生了爆炸，?斯基普和我被震得朝后飛去，?我的面罩被撞到了路邊，?這一刻一切都陷入了混亂之中。?然后我迅速的爬起來(lái)，?去摸索尋找噴頭，?我做了一個(gè)消防員應(yīng)該做的：?我向前沖過(guò)去，?打開(kāi)了水龍頭，?一個(gè)人撲滅了大火。?爆炸是由一個(gè)熱水器引起的，?所幸沒(méi)人受傷， 最終也沒(méi)釀成大的災(zāi)難。?然而稍后斯吉普過(guò)來(lái)，?用那種帶著吃驚的聲音對(duì)我說(shuō)，?“干得好，卡洛琳?！?/p>

我當(dāng)時(shí)就懵了，因?yàn)?這場(chǎng)大火并不是很激烈，?那么他為什么會(huì)用這種 驚訝的神情看著我呢？?后來(lái)我就明白了：?斯吉普，當(dāng)然他是一個(gè)很好的人，?而且也是一個(gè)出色的消防員，?但他不僅不認(rèn)為女性能夠足夠強(qiáng)壯，?也不認(rèn)為女性可以非常勇敢。?而且他并不是唯一一個(gè)這么想的人。?不管是朋友、熟人還是陌生人，?不分男女，在我的整個(gè)職業(yè)生涯中?一遍又一遍的問(wèn)我，?“卡洛琳，面對(duì)所有的這些大火， 所有的這些危險(xiǎn)，?你害怕過(guò)嗎？”?說(shuō)實(shí)話，我從來(lái)沒(méi)聽(tīng)過(guò)一個(gè) 男消防員被問(wèn)這些問(wèn)題。?所以我變得好奇。?為什么人們都不對(duì) 女性的勇敢抱有期待？

當(dāng)我的一個(gè)朋友對(duì)我 感嘆道她年輕的?女兒很容易受到驚嚇時(shí)，?答案在我的腦海中開(kāi)始顯現(xiàn)出來(lái)，?從那時(shí)起我開(kāi)始留意，?是的，那個(gè)朋友的女兒很焦慮，?但不僅如此，她的父母也很焦慮。?當(dāng)她去室外玩耍時(shí)， 她父母對(duì)她說(shuō)得最多的就是，?“當(dāng)心點(diǎn)”、“注意點(diǎn)”或者“不行”。?我朋友他們是很好的父母。?他們只是做了大部分父母做的，?即對(duì)女兒的擔(dān)心程度要比兒子大得多。

曾經(jīng)有一個(gè)涉及到游樂(lè)場(chǎng)里 消防滑桿的研究，諷刺的是，?研究人員發(fā)現(xiàn)小女孩 通常很有可能會(huì)被?她的父母?jìng)兙嫦阑瑮U的危險(xiǎn)性，?如果那個(gè)小女孩還是想要玩消防滑桿，?那么父母中的一個(gè)會(huì) 很可能陪伴她一起玩。?但是如果換成小男孩子呢？?他們通常被鼓勵(lì)去玩消防滑桿，?也不管他們是否會(huì)害怕，?并且通常父母會(huì)指導(dǎo)他們 怎樣獨(dú)自去玩消防滑桿。?那么這個(gè)行為給這些男孩和 女孩傳遞了怎樣的信息呢？?那就是，女孩是脆弱的， 更需要獲得幫助，?而男孩能夠并且應(yīng)該 自己處理好困難的任務(wù)。?人們說(shuō)女孩應(yīng)該謹(jǐn)小慎微，?而男孩應(yīng)該勇敢。

但諷刺的地方是在這么小的年紀(jì)，?事實(shí)上男孩和女孩在 身體上是非常相似的。?事實(shí)上，在青春期 之前女孩通常更強(qiáng)壯，?也更成熟。?然而我們成年人表現(xiàn)出來(lái)的卻是?好像女孩子更加的脆弱，?更需要幫助，?以及她們不能應(yīng)付很多事情。?這是我們從小就接受的信息，?這個(gè)信息也滲透進(jìn)我們 整個(gè)成長(zhǎng)的過(guò)程中。?我們女人相信這一點(diǎn)， 男人也相信這一點(diǎn)，?猜一下怎么著？?當(dāng)我們成為父母時(shí)，我們 把它又傳給了下一代，?就這樣一代代傳下去。

現(xiàn)在我已經(jīng)有了答案。?這就是為什么女人，甚至是女消防員，?也被認(rèn)為是膽怯的。?這也是為什么女人 通常膽小害怕的原因。

我知道你們中的一部分人 不會(huì)相信我跟你說(shuō)的這些，?但是我并不是反對(duì)恐懼感。?我知道它是一種很重要的 情緒，使我們保持安全。?但是如果每當(dāng)我們的 女兒在外遇到困難，?我們的第一反應(yīng)就是 教導(dǎo)和鼓勵(lì)她們?去害怕的話，這就是個(gè)問(wèn)題了。

我曾經(jīng)做過(guò)很多年的滑翔傘運(yùn)動(dòng)員——

滑翔傘就是一個(gè) 像降落傘一樣的翅膀，?它能夠很好的飛翔，?但是我意識(shí)到對(duì)很多人來(lái)說(shuō)它看起來(lái)?就像是一張系了繩子的床單。

我花了很多時(shí)間在山頂?給這些床單充氣，?然后一躍而下并飛翔。?我知道你們?cè)谙胧裁础?你們?cè)谙?，卡洛琳，人?對(duì)此有些害怕也是應(yīng)該的。?沒(méi)錯(cuò)，你們是對(duì)的，的確如此。?我的確也害怕過(guò)。?但是站在山頂上，?等待正確的風(fēng)向時(shí)，?我也會(huì)感受到很多其它的東西：?比如快樂(lè)、自信。?我知道我是一個(gè)很好的滑翔傘運(yùn)動(dòng)員，?只有當(dāng)我確認(rèn)條件適合的 時(shí)候才會(huì)站在那里。?我知道飛翔在300米的 高空中是多么的了不起。?是的，有過(guò)害怕，?但是我會(huì)仔細(xì)的審視它，?評(píng)估它的重要性，?然后把它放在正確的位置，?而它通常是排在?我的愉快、期待?和信心之后。?因此我不是反對(duì)害怕。?我只是支持勇敢。

我不是說(shuō)女孩子必須要成為消防員，?或者滑翔傘運(yùn)動(dòng)員，?而是想說(shuō)我們正在把我們的 女孩們培養(yǎng)得膽小，甚至無(wú)助，?這一切都從我們提醒她們 注意身體上的危險(xiǎn)開(kāi)始。?我們學(xué)到的恐懼感和那些 我們不曾有過(guò)的經(jīng)歷?伴隨著我們長(zhǎng)大成為女人，?然后演變成那些我們所面對(duì) 并且試圖去擺脫的事情：?我們因猶豫而不敢發(fā)聲，?我們順從以招人喜歡，?以及對(duì)自己的決定缺乏信心。

那么我們?nèi)绾巫兊糜赂夷兀?這里有一些好消息。?勇敢是可以學(xué)來(lái)的，?就像任何可以學(xué)的事情一樣，?它只需要多加練習(xí)。?所以首先，?我們需要做一個(gè)深呼吸。?然后鼓勵(lì)我們的女孩們?去玩滑板、去爬樹(shù)，?以及圍繞游樂(lè)場(chǎng)的消防滑桿攀爬。?我的母親就是這么做的。?她當(dāng)時(shí)并不知道什么理論，?但是研究人員對(duì)此有一個(gè)專門(mén)的名稱，?叫做危險(xiǎn)游戲。?研究表明危險(xiǎn)游戲真的 對(duì)小孩子很重要，對(duì)所有的小孩子，?因?yàn)樗虝?huì)你去評(píng)估危險(xiǎn)，?它教會(huì)你延遲享樂(lè)，?讓你更有你韌性，?為你帶來(lái)你信心。?換而言之，?當(dāng)孩子們走到室外并練習(xí)勇敢時(shí)，?他們?cè)趯W(xué)習(xí)非常有價(jià)值的人生課程。

第二，不管愿不愿意， 都不要再去警告女孩們。?所以要留意下次想說(shuō)?“小心點(diǎn)，你會(huì)受傷的，”?或者“不要那樣做，很危險(xiǎn)”的時(shí)候。?請(qǐng)記住通常你真正想告訴她的是?她不應(yīng)該去逼自己，?她的能力有限，?以及她應(yīng)該害怕。

第三，?女性也需要開(kāi)始去練習(xí)勇敢。?在我們教會(huì)自己之前 我們沒(méi)資格去教女孩們。?還有一件事：?害怕和愉快?是很相似的感受——?發(fā)抖的雙手，加快的心跳，?緊繃的神經(jīng)，?我敢說(shuō)對(duì)于大多數(shù)的你們來(lái)說(shuō)，?上一次當(dāng)你被嚇到的時(shí)候，?你很可能更多感到的是愉快，?但是現(xiàn)在你已失去這一機(jī)會(huì)。?因此要不斷練習(xí)。?同時(shí)女孩們應(yīng)該出去學(xué)習(xí)變得膽大，?我知道成年人不會(huì)想去滑板或者爬樹(shù)，?所以我們所有的人都需要練習(xí)，?不管是在家，還是在辦公室，?甚至就在此時(shí)此刻鼓起勇氣?跟那個(gè)你欽佩的人交談。

最后，當(dāng)你的女兒，比方說(shuō)，?坐在陡坡上的自行車上時(shí)，?如果她堅(jiān)持認(rèn)為她 太害怕了不敢騎下去，?那么指導(dǎo)她去接近勇敢。?最終，也許那個(gè)坡的確太陡，?但是她會(huì)用勇氣而不是害怕去克服它。?因?yàn)檫@與她面前的陡坡無(wú)關(guān)。?這關(guān)乎她以后的人生?而她獲得了這些工具?去處理和接近?所有那些我們不能保護(hù)她遠(yuǎn)離的危險(xiǎn)，?所有那些我們不能指導(dǎo)她通過(guò)的挑戰(zhàn)，?以及所有今天在座的女孩?以及全世界的女孩?在未來(lái)可能面對(duì)的事情。

順便說(shuō)一下，?那個(gè)爬行的世界紀(jì)錄現(xiàn)在是——

已經(jīng)是35.18英里了，?而我真的很想看到一個(gè)女孩去打破它。

When I was a kid, I was obsessed with the Guinness Book of World Records,?and I really wanted to set a world record myself.?But there was just one small problem:?I had absolutely no talent.?So I decided to set a world record in something?that demanded absolutely no skill at all.?I decided to set a world record?in crawling.

Now, the record at the time was 12 and a half miles,?and for some reason, this seemed totally manageable.

I recruited my friend Anne,?and together we decided, we didn't even need to train.

And on the day of our record attempt,?we put furniture pads on the outside of our good luck jeans?and we set off,?and right away, we were in trouble,?because the denim was against our skin?and it began to chafe,?and soon our knees were being chewed up.?Hours in,?it began to rain.?Then, Anne dropped out.?Then, it got dark.?Now, by now, my knees were bleeding through my jeans,?and I was hallucinating from the cold?and the pain and the monotony.?And to give you an idea of the suffer-fest that I was undergoing,?the first lap around the high school track took 10 minutes.?The last lap took almost 30.

After 12 hours of crawling,?I stopped,?and I had gone eight and a half miles.?So I was short of the 12-and-a-half-mile record.

Now, for many years, I thought this was a story of abject failure,?but today I see it differently,?because when I was attempting the world record,?I was doing three things.?I was getting outside my comfort zone,?I was calling upon my resilience,?and I was finding confidence in myself?and my own decisions.?I didn't know it then,?but those are not the attributes of failure.?Those are the attributes of bravery.

Now, in 1989, at the age of 26,?I became a San Francisco firefighter,?and I was the 15th woman in a department of 1,500 men.

And as you can imagine, when I arrived?there were many doubts about whether we could do the job.?So even though I was a 5'10", 150-pound collegiate rower,?and someone who could endure 12 hours of searing knee pain --

I knew I still had to prove my strength and fitness.

So one day a call came in for a fire,?and sure enough, when my engine group pulled up,?there was black smoke billowing from a building off an alleyway.?And I was with a big guy named Skip,?and he was on the nozzle, and I was right behind,?and it was a typical sort of fire.?It was smoky, it was hot,?and all of a sudden,?there was an explosion,?and Skip and I were blown backwards,?my mask was knocked sideways,?and there was this moment of confusion.?And then I picked myself up,?I groped for the nozzle,?and I did what a firefighter was supposed to do:?I lunged forward,?opened up the water?and I tackled the fire myself.?The explosion had been caused by a water heater,?so nobody was hurt, and ultimately it was not a big deal,?but later Skip came up to me and said,?"Nice job, Caroline,"?in this surprised sort of voice.

And I was confused, because the fire hadn't been difficult physically,?so why was he looking at me with something like astonishment??And then it became clear:?Skip, who was by the way a really nice guy?and an excellent firefighter,?not only thought that women could not be strong,?he thought that they could not be brave either.?And he wasn't the only one.?Friends, acquaintances and strangers,?men and women throughout my career?ask me over and over,?"Caroline, all that fire, all that danger,?aren't you scared?"?Honestly, I never heard a male firefighter asked this.?And I became curious.?Why wasn't bravery expected of women?

Now, the answer began to come?when a friend of mine lamented to me?that her young daughter was a big scaredy-cat,?and so I began to notice,?and yes, the daughter was anxious,?but more than that, the parents were anxious.?Most of what they said to her when she was outside began with,?"Be careful," "Watch out," or "No."?Now, my friends were not bad parents.?They were just doing what most parents do,?which is cautioning their daughters much more than they caution their sons.

There was a study involving a playground fire pole, ironically,?in which researchers saw that little girls were very likely to be warned?by both their moms and dads about the fire pole's risk,?and if the little girls still wanted to play on the fire pole,?a parent was very likely to assist her.?But the little boys??They were encouraged to play on the fire pole?despite any trepidations that they might have,?and often the parents offered guidance on how to use it on their own.?So what message does this send to both boys and girls??Well, that girls are fragile and more in need of help,?and that boys can and should master difficult tasks by themselves.?It says that girls should be fearful?and boys should be gutsy.

Now, the irony is that at this young age,?girls and boys are actually very alike physically.?In fact, girls are often stronger until puberty,?and more mature.?And yet we adults act?as if girls are more fragile?and more in need of help,?and they can't handle as much.?This is the message that we absorb as kids,?and this is the message that fully permeates as we grow up.?We women believe it, men believe it,?and guess what??As we become parents, we pass it on to our children,?and so it goes.

Well, so now I had my answer.?This is why women, even firewomen,?were expected to be scared.?This is why women often are scared.

Now, I know some of you won't believe me when I tell you this,?but I am not against fear.?I know it's an important emotion, and it's there to keep us safe.?But the problem is when fear is the primary reaction?that we teach and encourage in girls?whenever they face something outside their comfort zone.

So I was a paraglider pilot for many years --

and a paraglider is a parachute-like wing,?and it does fly very well,?but to many people I realize it looks just like a bedsheet?with strings attached.

And I spent a lot of time on mountaintops?inflating this bedsheet,?running off and flying.?And I know what you're thinking.?You're like, Caroline, a little fear would make sense here.?And you're right, it does.?I assure you, I did feel fear.?But on that mountaintop,?waiting for the wind to come in just right,?I felt so many other things, too:?exhilaration, confidence.?I knew I was a good pilot.?I knew the conditions were good, or I wouldn't be there.?I knew how great it was going to be a thousand feet in the air.?So yes, fear was there,?but I would take a good hard look at it,?assess just how relevant it was?and then put it where it belonged,?which was more often than not?behind my exhilaration, my anticipation?and my confidence.?So I'm not against fear.?I'm just pro-bravery.

Now, I'm not saying your girls must be firefighters?or that they should be paragliders,?but I am saying that we are raising our girls to be timid, even helpless,?and it begins when we caution them against physical risk.?The fear we learn and the experiences we don't?stay with us as we become women?and morphs into all those things that we face and try to shed:?our hesitation in speaking out,?our deference so that we can be liked?and our lack of confidence in our own decisions.

So how do we become brave??Well, here's the good news.?Bravery is learned,?and like anything learned,?it just needs to be practiced.?So first,?we have to take a deep breath?and encourage our girls?to skateboard, climb trees?and clamber around on that playground fire pole.?This is what my own mother did.?She didn't know it then,?but researchers have a name for this.?They call it risky play,?and studies show that risky play is really important for kids, all kids,?because it teaches hazard assessment,?it teaches delayed gratification,?it teaches resilience,?it teaches confidence.?In other words,?when kids get outside and practice bravery,?they learn valuable life lessons.

Second, we have to stop cautioning our girls willy-nilly.?So notice next time you say,?"Watch out, you're going to get hurt,"?or, "Don't do that, it's dangerous."?And remember that often what you're really telling her?is that she shouldn't be pushing herself,?that she's really not good enough,?that she should be afraid.

Third,?we women have to start practicing bravery, too.?We cannot teach our girls until we teach ourselves.?So here's another thing:?fear and exhilaration?feel very similar --?the shaky hands, the heightened heart rate,?the nervous tension,?and I'm betting that for many of you?the last time you thought you were scared out of your wits,?you may have been feeling mostly exhilaration,?and now you've missed an opportunity.?So practice.?And while girls should be getting outside to learn to be gutsy,?I get that adults don't want to get on hoverboards or climb trees,?so we all should be practicing?at home, in the office?and even right here getting up the guts?to talk to someone that you really admire.

Finally, when your girl is, let's say,?on her bike on the top of the steep hill?that she insists she's too scared to go down,?guide her to access her bravery.?Ultimately, maybe that hill really is too steep,?but she'll come to that conclusion through courage, not fear.?Because this is not about the steep hill in front of her.?This is about the life ahead of her?and that she has the tools?to handle and assess?all the dangers that we cannot protect her from,?all the challenges that we won't be there to guide her through,?everything that our girls here?and around the world?face in their future.

So by the way,?the world record for crawling today --

is 35.18 miles,?and I would really love to see a girl go break that.

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