? ? ? ? ?When it comes to my connection with piano, it must trace back to 2004. That year I was just graduated from my high school, and meant to enter a college for advanced studies. As I had a strong test-taking ability, the options opened to me are extensive, and as I had done wide readings in many branches of learning and was quite familiar with each of them, I had a free choice about the major I am keen on. As to my father, a prestigious professor in NFU, he had already paved a flat road for me—as long as I had the intention to become a student of Nanjing Forestry University, he would take good care of everything for me until I get PhD. Despite the fact that he did everything to persuade me onto the track he prepared for me, I was as stubborn as a mule and reluctant to follow him, because I had my own plans. At that time I developed an interest towards piano, (at the beginning I was obsessed with Jay Chou’s songs, then I was curious about this instrument of wide range), and without a reason I dreamed myself to be admitted by conservatory of music. It is beyond doubt that my strong point is computer science. If I had chose it as my major, I could have achieved success with minimal efforts. But, perhaps because I wanted to run away from the social trends and the control of my father, I turned myself to auditory art—a sphere totally strange to me.?

?????????要說起我與鋼琴的緣分還得追溯到2004年。那一年我高中剛畢業(yè)，正打算進(jìn)大學(xué)深造，因?yàn)槲业膽?yīng)試能力很強(qiáng)，所以我有很大的選擇余地，也因?yàn)槲抑皬V泛涉獵了各門學(xué)科、對(duì)其中的任何一門都了如指掌，所以我可以自由選擇自己感興趣的專業(yè)。而我爸爸呢，作為一名有很高威望的南林大教授，他早就為我鋪平了路——只要我有進(jìn)南林的打算，他可以為我打點(diǎn)好一切直到我拿到博士學(xué)位。盡管他想盡一切法子說服我走他為我預(yù)備的路，但我犟的就像一頭驢，一點(diǎn)都不愿意跟從在他后面，因?yàn)槲乙呀?jīng)有了自己的打算。那時(shí)我突然對(duì)鋼琴產(chǎn)生了興趣，（剛開始我迷上了周杰倫的歌，接著我開始對(duì)鋼琴這件音域?qū)拸V的樂器感到好奇），也不知道是什么原因我覺得自己如果能被音樂學(xué)院錄取那就最好了。毫無疑問我的強(qiáng)項(xiàng)是計(jì)算機(jī)，如果我選擇計(jì)算機(jī)專業(yè)，就能花最少的努力達(dá)到成功，但是也許我想逃離社會(huì)的大趨勢(shì)和父親的掌控，我轉(zhuǎn)向了另一個(gè)對(duì)自己來說完全陌生的領(lǐng)域——聽覺藝術(shù)。?

???????? In this way I began my career as a music student. First I learnt piano technique from teachers in a training center affiliated to a piano factory, then I was admitted by Piano Department of Nanjing Art Institute (NAI for short) as a result of 6 months’ hard work. Since then I could regard myself as a professional. As to the piano music itself, my favorite composer is Chopin. I still remember when I was first brought to listen to his music, it won’t take more than 5 minutes that I gravitated towards it and wondered there has such beautiful music in the world! I developed a special feeling towards it. In my view, his music is of rich connotation and not that superficial in comparison with those popular ones (such as Richard Claydeman’s or Bandary’s pieces) everyone is eager to play; not that obscure and difficult to comprehend comparing with other composers' from the same period. In a word, Chopin’s music could draw me in right away. It was not yet two months since I was taught to read music, I was anxious to try Chopin’s tunes on the piano yet unexpectedly provoked opposition.

? ? ? ? ?就這樣我開始了自己作為一個(gè)鋼琴學(xué)生的生涯，先是跟著一家隸屬于鋼琴?gòu)S的培訓(xùn)中心里的代課老師學(xué)，之后在付出了六個(gè)月艱苦努力的情況下我終于被南藝鋼琴系錄取了，從此我可以夸口說自己是一個(gè)專業(yè)人士了。就鋼琴音樂本身來說，我最喜歡的作曲家是肖邦，我還記得自己第一次被帶去聽肖邦，用不著五分鐘我就被音樂給吸引住了，我驚嘆世界上竟然有這么好聽的音樂！我對(duì)那種音樂有一種特殊的感覺，相比起那種每個(gè)人都躍躍欲試的通俗音樂（比如理查德克萊德曼和班得瑞）而言，它富有內(nèi)涵而不那么膚淺；相比起同時(shí)代的其他作曲家的作品，它沒有那么晦澀和深?yuàn)W。一言以蔽之，肖邦的音樂能夠一下子就把我給吸引住。我被教會(huì)識(shí)譜還不到兩個(gè)月就趕不及在鋼琴上試著彈肖邦卻不想引起了別人的反感。?

???????? Although I had no idea of what everybody else backbite me, I could feel their strange way of looking at me when we met in the corridor led to piano rooms, as if they were saying to me “you want to play Chopin when you have just learnt to read music? You such an egomaniac!”. I was quite helpless about that: Whether I play Chopin or not is my business, what is it to you? The hands grow on my body, it is my freedom to play whatever I like. So, instead of restrain myself and behave myself to practice what teacher taught, I went my own way ever further. My deed surely created wider offense, and I felt quite painful having to look at those strange eyes in the training center. Desperately, I had no other choice but to stand out and explain myself: I play Chopin just for fun. It is said interest is the best teacher. When I follow my interest to learn piano, it will never be a dull job to me. However, as if my words had no effect on them, they treated me as an egomaniac as before and backbite me as usual, which embittered me further.?

?????????雖然我不知道他們?cè)诒澈笳f我什么，但是我能感覺到在琴房前的過道里碰到他們時(shí)每個(gè)人都對(duì)我投來怪怪的眼神，好像他們?cè)趯?duì)我說“你才學(xué)會(huì)識(shí)譜就想彈肖邦，真不知道天高地厚！”對(duì)此我也很無奈：我彈不彈肖邦是我的事，跟你們有什么關(guān)系？手長(zhǎng)在我身上，我愛彈什么是我的自由。所以我不僅沒有收斂自己，老老實(shí)實(shí)地彈老師布置的那些東西，反而更加我行我素了。我的行為當(dāng)然招致了更大的反感，我也因?yàn)椴坏貌幻鎸?duì)培訓(xùn)中心那些怪怪的眼光而倍感痛苦。萬般無奈之下，我只得站出來為自己辯解：我彈肖邦僅僅是因?yàn)榕d趣，都說興趣是最好的老師，當(dāng)我?guī)еd趣學(xué)鋼琴，它將不再是一件枯燥的差事。盡管如此，我的話好像一點(diǎn)兒都不管用，他們依然把我看作是一個(gè)自大狂，還是像以前那樣在背后把我說的很壞，這讓我更加痛苦。?

???????? In spite of the fact that no one was on my side, I persevered in trying my ideal music on piano. Fortunately, I encountered a rather open-minded teacher Kong in NAI, instead of being cynical about me, she kept encouraging me and taught me in accordance with my aptitude. Under her guidance, I learnt the complete etudes of Chopin and 3 of his ballades. Furthermore, to distinguish myself from most of my classmates in NAI, as they were all applying themselves to Chopin’s relatively simple pieces, I began to take my first step towards Liszt. Although I was by no means an understandable person in the eyes of most of my schoolmates, I took delight in conquering these abstruse pieces. I felt fairly excited when I first gained proficiency in playing one of Liszt’s transcendent etudes—Since I learnt to play piano from scratch at the age of 20, I was able to play Liszt within 3 years! I learnt a great deal from Kong: to grasp different style, to use pedal in different pieces, to select suitable pieces for myself and so forth. 4 year in NAI as a piano major student past in the twinkling of an eye, after finishing defending my thesis and getting everything done, I was graduated from my college! Now I could brag that I am a graduate of piano department, I am a music professional.

? ? ? ? ?盡管沒有人站在我這一邊，我還是堅(jiān)持在鋼琴上實(shí)踐自己心目中理想的音樂。好在我在南藝遇到了一個(gè)相對(duì)開明的孔老師，她總是鼓勵(lì)我并對(duì)我因材施教，而不總是惡語(yǔ)相向。在她的指點(diǎn)下，我彈會(huì)了肖邦的全套練習(xí)曲和三首敘事曲。除此之外，為了使自己跟班上大部分其他同學(xué)區(qū)分開來（他們也致力于攻克肖邦那些相對(duì)粗淺的曲子），我開始染指于李斯特。雖然在絕大多數(shù)同學(xué)看來我一點(diǎn)都不可理喻，我卻在攻克那些艱深樂曲這件事上自得其樂，當(dāng)我第一次駕馭了一首李斯特的超技練習(xí)曲之后我感覺異常激動(dòng)——從我20歲零基礎(chǔ)開始學(xué)鋼琴，三年內(nèi)我就能彈李斯特了！我從孔老師那里學(xué)到了很多：把握不同的風(fēng)格、在不同的樂曲當(dāng)中運(yùn)用踏板、選擇適合自己的曲子等等，四年鋼琴系學(xué)生的生涯一眨眼就過去了，答辯完論文和辦好一些手續(xù)之后，我就從大學(xué)畢業(yè)了！從此我也能吹噓自己是一個(gè)鋼琴系的畢業(yè)生、一個(gè)音樂專業(yè)人士了。?

???????? In spite of the fact that my achievement has been recognized by an authorized institution, most of people around me are unable to appreciate my performance. Every time when I strike up an acquaintance with a new friend and introduce myself as a graduate of piano major, the other side is bound to say, “Oh, really, you are awesome! It’s my pleasure to listen to your playing!” But they always betrayed that “they can’t understand”, “it’s too obscure for them to comprehend” when they have a chance to hear it with their own ears. To some degree, I, as a professional, am less welcome than those amateurs able to play melodious pieces such as “Fur Elise”, “Ballade pour Adeline”, “Mariage d’amour”. As mentioned above, I deem this kind of music too superficial and worthless to play. Aside from sensual pleasure, they can provide nothing to the listeners. Aesthetically, they are gaudy and showy without any substance, and therefore can’t be counted as good music. It will be a waste of time and efforts if I concentrate myself on them. Even if I, by playing them, am accepted by people surround me, they can by no means ensure my survival in professional music industry. Therefore, I am reluctant to try them even though my skill can well handle them. Yet I feel the cognitive abilities of most listeners can’t reach my level, they think the essence of music is something pleasant to ear, you are a good player as long as sweet music flows from your fingers. And if you can do nothing but “make noise”, you must be an unqualified player.?

?????????盡管我在音樂方面的造詣已經(jīng)被權(quán)威機(jī)構(gòu)認(rèn)可了，身邊的絕大多數(shù)人都不能欣賞我的演奏。每次當(dāng)我認(rèn)識(shí)一個(gè)新朋友并向?qū)Ψ浇榻B自己畢業(yè)于鋼琴系時(shí)，對(duì)方一定會(huì)說：“真的嗎，你太厲害了！如果能欣賞你彈琴那一定是我的榮幸！”倘若他們真的有機(jī)會(huì)耳聞我彈琴，他們總會(huì)表現(xiàn)出“聽不懂”，“太晦澀了，不知道在彈些什么”。在某種程度上，我一個(gè)專業(yè)人士甚至不如那些搞業(yè)余、能表演兩三首好聽的曲子如“致愛麗絲”、“水邊的阿狄麗娜”、“夢(mèng)中的婚禮”的那些人受歡迎。正如我上面提到的，我覺得那種音樂太膚淺和沒有價(jià)值，除了感官享受，它們不能帶給聽眾任何其他的東西。從美學(xué)上講，它們花哨、浮華卻沒有任何實(shí)質(zhì)性的內(nèi)容，因此算不上好音樂。如果我把心思花在那個(gè)上面純粹是浪費(fèi)時(shí)間和精力，即便憑著彈那些曲子的我被周圍人接受，那也根本沒法讓我在專業(yè)音樂圈立足，因此，即便我的技巧早就能駕馭這類曲子我也不愿去碰它們?？墒俏腋杏X絕大多數(shù)聽眾的認(rèn)知水平都達(dá)不到我的高度，他們認(rèn)為音樂的本質(zhì)就是讓耳朵舒服，只要你的指尖能流暢出美妙的音符你就是一個(gè)好的鋼琴手，如果你只會(huì)“制造噪音”，你一定是一個(gè)不合格的樂師。

? ? ? ? ?In this way I am thrown into a dilemma: be myself and turn a deaf ear to the people around me, I will be isolated and unpopular to an extent that I will be spat at and deemed a “noise maker” by those misunderstanding me; take the initiative to cater to these vulgar people, I will degrade myself, and after a long time I will go so far as to lose confidence in myself and become indecisive. After a tough struggle in my mind, I made up my mind to give up playing that instrument of wide range. Anyway, I can’t make a decision in that black-and-white option: for one thing, I am unwilling to lose myself, for another, I don’t want myself to act as a villain, a person universally disgusted. Not long after I abandoned playing piano, I turned my attention to classical music composition. It not only can make full use of the knowledge I previously accumulated, but can avoid conflict thoroughly: without a disturbing piano, I can finish everything on my computer, people stand up to me can't do anything with me even if they are averse to the noisiness I make. Simultaneously, I did everything I can during the process to make my pieces not so eccentric that most of my friends and relatives can accept me readily. When I find myself unfettered by that black-and-white option: either cater to others or be disliked by them, I feel relieved. Till then I found myself too bullheaded for a professional piano player, music composition, by contrast, is my real end-result. From this time on I set a goal for myself: no matter what difficulty I have to face and what hardship I have to go through,?I must treat it as my lifelong career and never forsake it.?

?????????就這樣我陷入了一個(gè)困境當(dāng)中：如果做我自己，同時(shí)對(duì)身邊的人置若罔聞，我就會(huì)被孤立、變得不受歡迎，甚至到一種程度那些不理解我的人會(huì)向我吐口水并把我看作一個(gè)“噪音制造者”；如果我主動(dòng)去迎合那些低俗的人，我就不得不降低身段，時(shí)間長(zhǎng)了我甚至?xí)?duì)自己失去信心，變得優(yōu)柔寡斷。在內(nèi)心掙扎了好一陣子以后，我下決心放棄那個(gè)音域?qū)拸V的樂器，不管怎么說，我不能在那個(gè)非黑即白的選擇之間做出抉擇，我既不愿意失去自己，也不愿意扮演一個(gè)反派角色、一個(gè)被所有人唾棄的大壞蛋。就在我丟掉了鋼琴不久之后，我把精力轉(zhuǎn)向了古典音樂的創(chuàng)作，這不僅可以把我以前積累的知識(shí)利用起來，也可以充分避免矛盾：用不著攪擾人安寧的鋼琴，我僅僅在電腦上就能完成一切，站在我對(duì)立面上的人即便再不喜歡我制造出的噪音也拿我沒轍。同時(shí)在這過程中，我也想盡一切法子使我的曲子沒那么怪，以至于不難被親戚和朋友們接受。當(dāng)我感覺自己不被那個(gè)非黑即白的選擇束縛（要么迎合別人，要么被別人討厭）的時(shí)候，我一下子就釋然了。直到現(xiàn)在我才發(fā)現(xiàn)死腦筋不懂得變通的我并不適合職業(yè)搞鋼琴，相比之下作曲才是我真正的歸宿。從此我為自己定下了目標(biāo)：把它當(dāng)成我畢生的事業(yè)，就算再困難、再艱苦也不離不棄。?

???????? That is my current situation.?

?????????這就是我的現(xiàn)狀。