Hello everyone, this is Coraline. It's midnight on July 21st; I am alone in the dormitory, for my roommates are all back home.?

I was?moved into（搬入）?another dormitory on June 18th.?

The only new roommate I lived with last month, whose major is architecture, has an excellent academic record（學(xué)術(shù)水平）. Very gentle and good-looking. She has the power to calm you down. We chat a lot; sometimes, the conversation could last 2 to 3 hours. This may be a good chance for me to develop a healthy and lasting?friendship.

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That's interesting.?

A few years ago, this type of girl was intelligent, good-looking, and in good condition in every aspect; I would be too envious to get along well with them. I would choose to alienate them（alienate sb. 與某人隔絕）?because I couldn't control my jealousy. Now they are becoming the type of me, friends.

Baking the days that I am in this mental condition（精神狀態(tài)）, this kind of group would make me anxious, for I feel out of control and guilty of my envy. This emotion is not only about girls but also boys. If I have a crush on some guy, but he is better than me, academically or financially, or in some other aspects, my envy would overcome the admiration. I could talk with them generally if I am equal with him or even exceed him. Or I just run away.

Of course, that never developed into isolation or bullying, but I would intentionally keep myself away from（keep sb. away from 使某人遠(yuǎn)離）?them to control myself. It was only in recent years that I changed this unhealthy thinking mold（思維方式）. The reason for this irrational thinking mold is that I dislike myself and that I couldn't be them. The aim should be to correct my shortcomings rather than inexplicably（隱晦地）?elevate（將...上升為）?envy toward others into hostility（敵意）. Besides, they are perfect examples and teachers for me, and blessing others and cherishing my life is healthier.

Everyone is in their condition. Some things are unchangeable: my family, the city where I grew up, my look, and focus on things that I couldn't change, and blaming those things only made me more anxious. I should put my eye on（put sb. eye on重視...）?those things that I could change, such as my academic performance, my body, my skills, and my lifestyle. I have my challenges. My little success is to control my weight; I don't have to be pretty as an actress. I need to feel better when I am looking in the mirror. I don't have to be as rich as my friends; I need to pay off my tuition in these short three months. If I focused on those rich and beautiful or famous people all day, I would be the most pathetic person in the world.?

I have my way to go.

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I took a day's break after my final examination on June 25th, then wasted five days trying to find a job. I am currently?working on a school dining hall, which could provide me with some income. But compared with the living fee and the tuition, the money I earn from this job is a drop in the bucket（微不足道）.

I hate being in debt, but it is a better solution for me to try to apply for student loans. I couldn't win the scholarship; you must be excellent at（在某方面優(yōu)異）?every perspective to earn that money. I am not qualified as a student in dire financial conditions（財(cái)務(wù)狀況糟糕）, so that I can apply for a subsidy（補(bǔ)助）. Although I am willing to work 10 hours daily in the restaurant, I couldn't find any job. Factory is another choice. I worked in a factory 45 days before; that's mental abuse（精神虐待）, indefinitely no factory. So now I'm rethinking student loans; I hesitate firstly because I'm not too fond of?debts and secondly because I want to use my money at will. If it's loans or debts, it doesn't seem nice to use it on clothes or relatively good stuff, such as coffee, food, exhibitions, or other unnecessary stuff. I will feel guilty if I buy things in debt; that makes me uncomfortable. Anyway, I have to make my final decision before August, for if I decide to apply for that, I need to prepare materials in advance.?

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I worked on breakfast dinner about 35 days after I finished the graduation thesis defense（畢業(yè)論文答辯）. The shop owner closed the restaurant after early July. I initially planned to find a part-time job at a fast food restaurant（快餐店）?in early July or a tutoring job with flexible hours（靈活的...事件）?and an hourly salary of 50 yuan for primary school（小學(xué)）?students. But my?expectations for the future（對(duì)未來(lái)的預(yù)期）?are too optimistic. The agency that provides job opportunities asked for a 30 percent commission（傭金，回扣）?before I even had that job. This is not only exploitative?but also illogical. Why would I apply for?jobs in such a hurry if I have money?

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As for the fast food restaurant job, the salary is meager（貧乏的）. But that seems the only choice for me. I worked on Kentucky Fried Chicken(肯德基)?for about almost six months before, so I have experience. I thought that working experience would make this easier. But the results are not suitable as well.

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It's a Chinese fast food chain restaurant, I wouldn't name it. The manager firstly didn't pick up my phone on interview day, twice. But the fact is that I made an appointment with him（sb. make an appointment with sb. ...與...預(yù)約）?a day in advance. He showed up almost 2 hours late. He asked me to have a health certificate（健康證）, which is normal, for it's a basic certification when you work in a restaurant. One day later, he asked me to work on the KM zone, which is unusual. I worked on the BU zone back at KFC. If you're pretty and tall, then they would put you as a waiter or a cashier. I'm not in that category（sb not in that category 不屬于某個(gè)行列）, so I am in the BU zone, where you make hamburgers, chicken rolls, tacos, or something like that. As for the KB&KM zone, workers in this area must marinate?and fry large quantities of meat; it's physically demanding（對(duì)體力有要求）， so usually, they would put the male employees in that section. If the manager puts me in that area, that's fine. I wouldn't complain; that's an excellent opportunity to practice my arm muscles. But still, it's unusual to put a female on that part. The funny thing is that when I finished my 1.5 hours 試崗, I couldn't find perfect English vocabulary on this. I am sure that is illegal technically; he should pay me. But that's the?job market（就業(yè)市場(chǎng)）; the right to cheap labor is?empty talk（空口白談）. I asked him about the working schedule, but he didn't answer my question directly, saying that I hadn't started yet, so he couldn't give me a precise?working time. I think he even never thought about hiring me in the beginning, but I don't understand him; maybe he could have just told me that he doesn't need people now and stopped interviewing others and asked them to spend money on unnecessary certifications and acted like a deaf-mute（聾啞人）?when others ask him questions?

After this farce（鬧劇）, I immediately tried to find other jobs; I didn't want to waste more time with this ridiculous man.

I tried the school dining hall after that， something better than nothing, the salary is ￥10 per hour, but it offers you a meal, and you need to work two hours per day, at least that's solved my lunch.

Another thing is that the customers are almost all students or teachers; most of them are polite, and the coworkers are elders or my peers; they are friendly. They may rush me when meal point（飯點(diǎn)）， but they are at least not mean and won't bully new employees.

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The good news was that I passed my Japanese Volume 3 examination, and I estimate I passed the CET-4. But I also needed to improve on the TEM-4. I was very nervous during that examination; I didn't have enough time to finish the reading comprehension（閱讀理解）?part, so I'm pretty pessimistic about（對(duì)某事悲觀）?that. This is the last opportunity for me on TEM-4. English major?students only have two opportunities?to take that exam; I missed the first opportunity because I suspended my school life during that period. The failure is predictable. Luckily, because of the delay, I have half a year to prepare for the TEM-8 test. I must put more effort into that. This almost one more year also allowed me to take other essential examinations I constantly?avoided, such as CET-6, Mandarin Qualifying Examination（普通話資格考試）, and Computer Test Level Two（計(jì)算機(jī)二級(jí)考試）. I now have experience in the national review, so I will be relaxed if I take the new test.

You see,?misfortune may be an actual blessing（塞翁失馬，焉知非福）.

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That's all, that's my June and July; I won't say it is fantastic, but not bad.

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Thank you for listening; I'll see you next time, guys.