When we're looking for a potential partner on a dating app, what makes us decide who we like? Rob and Dan discuss how our brain reacts when we're looking for love.?Listen to the discussion and learn new items of vocabulary in just 6 minutes!

This week's question:

In the UK, approximately how many marriages start with the couple meeting online? Is it:

a)???One in three

b)???One in four

c)???One in five?

Listen to the programme to find out the answer.

Vocabulary?

to swipe

(here) moving the images on a smartphone or tablet up, down, left or right, using our finger

instantaneous

immediate, at once.

rejection

not giving someone the love and attention they would like

get over

feel better after a bad experience

dusting yourself off

being positive and optimistic after a rejection or a bad experience

to cope with

to manage / deal with (a difficult situation)

Transcript

Note: This is not a word for word transcript

Dan

Hello and welcome to 6 Minute English. I'm Dan.

Rob

And hello, I'm Rob.

Dan

In today's programme we're going to be looking at what our brains are doing when we are using dating apps. Now, Rob, have you ever used a dating app?

Rob

No way, I would never use one.

Dan

Hmm, so Rob, can you explain, when talking about dating apps, what we mean by?swipe?left and?swipe?right?

Rob

Ah, yes. These are not new words but technology has given them new meaning.?To swipe?is the movement of your finger on a smartphone to change the screen you're looking at. So imagine turning the page in a book, well, on a phone, you?swipe. In some dating apps, they show you pictures of people you might find attractive. If you do like them, you?swipe?right. If you don't like them, you?swipe?left.

Dan

We will dig deeper into this topic shortly, but first, a question. In the UK, approximately how many marriages start with the couple meeting online? Is it:

a)???One in three

b)???One in four

c)???One in five

What do you think?

Rob

Well, all of those seem quite high to me, so I'm going to guess in the middle, one in four.

Dan

Well, we'll find out if you're right later in the programme. Now, Alice Gray is a science communicator and blogger. Recently she was a guest on BBC Radio 4's Woman's Hour programme and she was asked about what goes on in our brains when we use dating apps compared to when we meet people in real life. What difference does she say there is?

Alice Gray

It's very easy to think that with these?instantaneous?swipe?left,?swipe?right, that the process in our brain of how we pick out a suitable mate would be very different, when actually it's really similar to how we do it in person.

Rob

So she says that what goes on in our brains is actually very similar. Online we make decisions very quickly about who we like. These decisions are almost immediate - she used the adjective?instantaneous?for this. So we make these?instantaneous?decisions then choose to?swipe?left or?swipe?right. In real life, we do the same thing. We know almost immediately when we see someone if we find them attractive or not.

Dan

Although of course in digital dating, one you've?swiped?left you will never see that person again and you won't have the chance to meet. In the real world you could meet someone you don't find attractive?instantaneously?and then get to know them and find that you do quite like them.

Rob

Yes, that is true, but then possibly they won't like you. And then you have to deal with?rejection.?Rejection?is when someone doesn't find you attractive and they don't want to spend time with you or get to know you.

Dan

So what's the difference in our brains between online?rejection?and real life?rejection? Here's Alice Gray again.

Alice Gray

We see that a lot of the patterns associated with?rejection?in real life and?rejection?on dating apps are similar, just the exposure to the rate of the amount of?rejection?you get on dating apps is a lot higher than the ones in real life.?So in real life you'll have time to, sort of, compute the rejection,?get over it?a little bit, and?dust yourself off?and get on with it. Whereas the rate of rejection on dating apps is so high it's often hard?to cope with?one coming in after another.

Rob

So, she says that our brain's response to real life and online?rejection?is quite similar, but in the digital world you can be rejected many more times.

Dan

In real life you have a bit more time to recover from the rejection, to?get over it, as she says. You can?dust yourself off?which is a way of saying you think positively to make yourself feel better - imagine falling over on the ground, when you get up, you might be covered in dust and dirt, you need to?dust yourself off?to make yourself ready again, before you carry on.

Rob

In the online world though, you don't have that time. Online dating apps can lead to many rejections and psychologically that can be difficult to manage. Another way of saying 'difficult to manage' is difficult to?cope?with.

Dan

Well, we don't want you to reject us, so time now to give you the answer to that quiz question before a recap of today's vocabulary. I asked: in the UK, approximately how many marriages start with the couple meeting online? Is it:

a)???One in three

b)???One in four

c)???One in five

Rob

Hmmm, so I said b) one in four – 25%. Was I right?

Dan

Sorry, Rob, the answer is a), one in three. Does that surprise you?

Rob

Yes, it does, I didn't think it would be that high.

Dan

It's the sign of the times, Rob. Digital world – digital dating! Let's have a look at that vocabulary.

Rob

OK, well, we started with the verb?to swipe. The movement of our finger on smartphone or tablet screen to indicate whether we like someone or not.?Swipe?right for like,?swipe?left if you don't like.

Dan

Our decisions on whether we find someone attractive or not are often?instantaneous. This adjective means immediate, at once.

Rob

Rejection?is when you let someone know that you are not interested in them, you don't want to be romantically involved with them.

Dan

If you are?rejected?you might need some time to feel better, and for this you can use the phrasal verb?get over. It can take some time to?get over?a?rejection.

Rob

Yeah, I know! Being positive and optimistic after a?rejection?can be described as?dusting yourself off. But, having many?rejections?can be difficult?to cope with, which means it can be difficult to manage, difficult to keep positive.

Dan

Well, we hope you don't?swipe?left on this programme and you will join us again next time Remember you can find us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and of course our website bbclearningenglish.com.

Rob

And don't forget our new BBC Learning English app.

Dan

Oh good idea. See you soon. Bye.

Rob

Bye bye!