A JOKE 玩笑

原作契訶夫 Translated by Constance Garnett 1886

IT was a bright winter midday.... There was a sharp snapping frost and the curls on Nadenka’s temples and the down on her upper lip were covered with silvery frost. She was holding my arm and we were standing on a high hill. From where we stood to the ground below there stretched a smooth sloping descent in which the sun was reflected as in a looking-glass. Beside us was a little sledge lined with bright red cloth.

那是在冬天，一個晴空萬里的中午……我和小雪手挽手站在山頭，她的上嘴唇沾了一層銀霜，兩鬢的鬈發(fā)也被染成了白色。向山腳望去，平滑的雪坡在陽光下宛如一面明鏡。在我們身邊停著一架蓋了紅布的小雪橇。

?“Let us go down, Nadyezhda Petrovna!” I besought her. “Only once! I assure you we shall be all right and not hurt.”

“咱們滑下去吧！”我央求道，“就滑一次！放心，我保證你平平安安的?！?/p>

But Nadenka was afraid. The slope from her little goloshes to the bottom of the ice hill seemed to her a terrible, immensely deep abyss. Her spirit failed her, and she held her breath as she looked down, when I merely suggested her getting into the sledge, but what would it be if she were to risk flying into the abyss! She would die, she would go out of her mind.

小雪害怕極了。在她眼里，這道雪坡仿佛一道深不見底的深淵。我請她坐上雪橇，她向山下望了一眼，嚇得差點背過氣去。不行，她害怕，她怕掉下去摔死。

?“I entreat you!” I said. “You mustn’t be afraid! You know it’s poor-spirited, it’s cowardly!”

“怕什么！”我說道，“有什么好怕的！你難道就這點膽子？”

Nadenka gave way at last, and from her face I saw that she gave way in mortal dread. I sat her in the sledge, pale and trembling, put my arm round her and with her cast myself down the precipice.

小雪還是答應(yīng)了，臉上害怕得仿佛要赴死一樣。她坐進(jìn)雪橇，臉色煞白，哆哩哆嗦，緊緊貼住我不放，我策動雪橇，滑下了萬仞高坡。

The sledge flew like a bullet. The air cleft by our flight beat in our faces, roared, whistled in our ears, tore at us, nipped us cruelly in its anger, tried to tear our heads off our shoulders. We had hardly strength to breathe from the pressure of the wind. It seemed as though the devil himself had caught us in his claws and was dragging us with a roar to hell. Surrounding objects melted into one long furiously racing streak... another moment and it seemed we should perish.

雪橇飛得比子彈還快。迎面的狂風(fēng)咆哮著，尖叫著，在我們臉上又抓又撓，恨不能把我們的腦袋給揪下來。我們被吹得喘不上氣。雪橇仿佛被惡鬼握在掌心，一路呼嘯著要沖進(jìn)地府。周圍的景物統(tǒng)統(tǒng)化成了一道飛逝的長線…仿佛再一眨眼我們就完蛋了。

?“I love you, Nadya!” I said in a low voice.

這時我悄聲道：“小雪，我愛你！”

The sledge began moving more and more slowly, the roar of the wind and the whirr of the runners was no longer so terrible, it was easier to breathe, and at last we were at the bottom. Nadenka was more dead than alive. She was pale and scarcely breathing.... I helped her to get up.

雪橇的速度慢了下來，風(fēng)聲靜了，想喘氣也沒那么困難了，就這樣，我們一路滑到了山腳。小雪已然嚇了個半死。她臉都白了，氣也喘不勻了……我趕緊把她扶了起來。

“Nothing would induce me to go again,” she said, looking at me with wide eyes full of horror. “Nothing in the world! I almost died!”

“你騙人！”她望著我，眼里滿是驚恐，“沒下次了！早知道誰跟你滑！”

A little later she recovered herself and looked enquiringly into my eyes, wondering had I really uttered those four words or had she fancied them in the roar of the hurricane. And I stood beside her smoking and looking attentively at my glove.

不一會兒她緩過神來，一頭霧水地直盯著我瞧，弄不清那三個字真是我說的，還是她聽錯了風(fēng)聲。我站在旁邊抽煙，聚精會神地盯著自己的手套。

She took my arm and we spent a long while walking near the ice-hill. The riddle evidently would not let her rest.... Had those words been uttered or not?... Yes or no? Yes or no? It was the question of pride, or honour, of life — a very important question, the most important question in the world. Nadenka kept impatiently, sorrowfully looking into my face with a penetrating glance; she answered at random, waiting to see whether I would not speak. Oh, the play of feeling on that sweet face! I saw that she was struggling with herself, that she wanted to say something, to ask some question, but she could not find the words; she felt awkward and frightened and troubled by her joy....

她又挽住我，陪我在山腳下溜達(dá)了很久。那句話顯然還沒放過她……真是他說的嗎？是嗎？是不是？這個問題關(guān)系到名聲，關(guān)系到榮辱，關(guān)系到一輩子——這是個很重要的問題，是世界上最重要的問題。小雪心不在焉地搭著話，憂愁的雙眼緊追著我，想看我會不會招供。瞧把她急的！我眼見著她苦苦掙扎，一副欲語還休、想問又不知道問什么的樣子。這突然的幸福惹得她害羞，嚇得她害怕，攪得她心神不定……

“Do you know what,” she said without looking at me.

“喂?！彼龥]看我，說道。

“Well?” I asked.

“什么事？”我問道。

“Let us... slide down again.”

“我…我想和你再滑一次。”

We clambered up the ice-hill by the steps again. I sat Nadenka, pale and trembling, in the sledge; again we flew into the terrible abyss, again the wind roared and the runners whirred, and again when the flight of our sledge was at its swiftest and noisiest, I said in a low voice:

我們順著臺階又上了山。我把臉色煞白、渾身哆嗦的小雪扶進(jìn)雪橇，又一次滑下了深淵險坡，風(fēng)兒呼嘯著，雪橇吱嘎著，在滑到速度最快、聲音最吵的那一刻，我悄聲道：

“I love you, Nadenka!”

“小雪，我愛你！”

When the sledge stopped, Nadenka flung a glance at the hill down which we had both slid, then bent a long look upon my face, listened to my voice which was unconcerned and passionless, and the whole of her little figure, every bit of it, even her muff and her hood expressed the utmost bewilderment, and on her face was written: “What does it mean? Who uttered those words? Did he, or did I only fancy it?”

滑到山腳，小雪瞥了一眼山坡，又一個勁追著我瞧，而我的聲音卻不緊不慢，若無其事。這回她全身上下，連衣服袖子都糊涂了，她臉上分明寫著：“怎么回事？到底是誰說的？是我聽錯了嗎？”

The uncertainty worried her and drove her out of all patience. The poor girl did not answer my questions, frowned, and was on the point of tears.

這次她徹底亂了，也不跟我搭茬了，只顧皺著眉，急得都快哭了。

“Hadn’t we better go home?” I asked.

“差不多該回去了吧。”我說道。

“Well, I... I like this tobogganning,” she said, flushing. “Shall we go down once more?”

“我…我還挺喜歡滑雪的。”她紅著臉羞道，“能再來一次嗎？”

She “l(fā)iked” the tobogganning, and yet as she got into the sledge she was, as both times before, pale, trembling, hardly able to breathe for terror.

她口口聲聲說“喜歡”，可一坐上雪橇就現(xiàn)了原形，還是和前兩次一樣，臉色煞白、哆哩哆嗦，嚇得連氣都不會喘。

We went down for the third time, and I saw she was looking at my face and watching my lips. But I put my handkerchief to my lips, coughed, and when we reached the middle of the hill I succeeded in bringing out:

我們第三次滑了下去，她回頭直看我，死死盯住我的嘴唇。不過我技高一籌，拿出條手絹擋住嘴，咳嗽了幾聲，等滑到半山腰的時候，我又一次說道：

“I love you, Nadya!”

“小雪，我愛你！”

And the mystery remained a mystery! Nadenka was silent, pondering on something.... I saw her home, she tried to walk slowly, slackened her pace and kept waiting to see whether I would not say those words to her, and I saw how her soul was suffering, what effort she was making not to say to herself:

她還是沒發(fā)現(xiàn)！小雪不說話了，默默沉思著什么……回家的路上她特意邁著小步，想聽聽我到底會不會交待。能看出她心里亂成了一團(tuán)，費了好大的勁才忍住沒說：

“It cannot be that the wind said them! And I don’t want it to be the wind that said them!”

“我不信！不可能，一定不是風(fēng)！”

Next morning I got a little note:

次日一早我收著張紙條：

“If you are tobogganning to-day, come for me. — N.”

“你今天要是去滑雪的話，記得叫我一聲。雪?！?/p>

And from that time I began going every day tobogganning with Nadenka, and as we flew down in the sledge, every time I pronounced in a low voice the same words: “I love you, Nadya!”

從此以后我天天陪她滑雪，每次從山坡上沖下去的時候，我都會悄悄說道：“小雪，我愛你！”

Soon Nadenka grew used to that phrase as to alcohol or morphia. She could not live without it. It is true that flying down the ice-hill terrified her as before, but now the terror and danger gave a peculiar fascination to words of love — words which as before were a mystery and tantalized the soul. The same two — the wind and I were still suspected.... Which of the two was making love to her she did not know, but apparently by now she did not care; from which goblet one drinks matters little if only the beverage is intoxicating.

沒過多久，小雪對這句話上癮了，要是一天不聽簡直就活不了。她還是害怕滑雪，但這份恐懼卻給這句情話增添了別樣的魔力——這句話依然撩動心弦、所來成謎。而兩個嫌疑人——風(fēng)聲和我依舊脫不開干系……她還是沒弄清這話是誰說的，不過也不在乎了，就好像喝酒的人在意的只是佳釀，并不會為酒杯費心。

It happened I went to the skating-ground alone at midday; mingling with the crowd I saw Nadenka go up to the ice-hill and look about for me...then she timidly mounted the steps... She was frightened of going alone — oh, how frightened! She was white as the snow, she was trembling, she went as though to the scaffold, but she went, she went without looking back, resolutely. She had evidently determined to put it to the test at last: would those sweet amazing words be heard when I was not there? I saw her, pale, her lips parted with horror, get into the sledge, shut her eyes and saying good-bye for ever to the earth, set off.... “Whrrr!” whirred the runners. Whether Nadenka heard those words I do not know. I only saw her getting up from the sledge looking faint and exhausted. And one could tell from her face that she could not tell herself whether she had heard anything or not. Her terror while she had been flying down had deprived of her all power of hearing, of discriminating sounds, of understanding.

后來有天中午我一個人去滑雪，擠在人群之中，我看見小雪走到山腳下四處找我……隨后她害羞地爬上了山坡……她不敢一個人滑，她害怕極了！她煞白得像雪一樣，哆哆嗦嗦，仿佛要上刑場似的，可她毅然決然地走著，毫不退縮。她想最后試一試：我不在的時候還能聽到那句話嗎？我望著她嚇得合不攏嘴，慘白兮兮地上了雪橇，閉上眼，道了一句永別，出發(fā)了……“嗖！”雪橇呼嘯著。不知道小雪聽沒聽見那句話。我只看見她仿佛從鬼門關(guān)回來一樣從雪橇里站了起來。她臉上的表情已經(jīng)說得很清楚了，她嚇壞了，根本沒心思去聽，去想，去分辨。

But then the month of March arrived... the spring sunshine was more kindly.... Our ice-hill turned dark, lost its brilliance and finally melted. We gave up tobogganning. There was nowhere now where poor Nadenka could hear those words, and indeed no one to utter them, since there was no wind and I was going to Petersburg — for long, perhaps for ever.

很快，時間來到了三月……春日的陽光越來越暖和……山坡上的雪由白變黑，終于化了個干凈。沒法再滑雪了。小雪再也沒機(jī)會聽到那句話了，風(fēng)停了，我也就要遠(yuǎn)走他鄉(xiāng)——也許去好些日子，也許一去不返。

It happened two days before my departure I was sitting in the dusk in the little garden which was separated from the yard of Nadenka’s house by a high fence with nails in it.... It was still pretty cold, there was still snow by the manure heap, the trees looked dead but there was already the scent of spring and the rooks were cawing loudly as they settled for their night’s rest. I went up to the fence and stood for a long while peeping through a *****. I saw Nadenka come out into the porch and fix a mournful yearning gaze on the sky.... The spring wind was blowing straight into her pale dejected face.... It reminded her of the wind which roared at us on the ice-hill when she heard those four words, and her face became very, very sorrowful, a tear trickled down her cheek, and the poor child held out both arms as though begging the wind to bring her those words once more. And waiting for the wind I said in a low voice:

臨走前兩天的黃昏時分，我坐在自家的小花園里，一道高籬笆對面就是小雪家的院子……外面很冷，肥料堆頂上還留著一點積雪，樹木一片荒蕪，但已經(jīng)能聞到春天的氣息。烏鴉呱呱大叫著，紛紛回巢安歇了。我走到籬笆前，從一個小孔偷看了許久。我看到小雪走出門來，心痛欲碎地望向蒼天……春風(fēng)吹打在她那張心灰意冷的臉上……春風(fēng)中，她想起了當(dāng)初從我們耳邊劃過，吹響了那三個字的寒風(fēng)。她的臉色沉了下去，一滴淚珠順著面頰滑落，她張開懷抱，好像在央求春風(fēng)再說一遍那句話。我等到刮風(fēng)，悄聲道：

“I love you, Nadya!”

“小雪，我愛你！”

Mercy! The change that came over Nadenka! She uttered a cry, smiled all over her face and looking joyful, happy and beautiful, held out her arms to meet the wind.

老天哪！這一句話讓小雪變了個人！只聽她一聲尖叫，無邊的喜悅在臉上蕩漾開來，她伸出雙臂，把春風(fēng)擁入了懷中，她笑了，快樂極了，美極了。

And I went off to pack up....

我回到家，收拾起行李……

That was long ago. Now Nadenka is married; she married — whether of her own choice or not does not matter — a secretary of the Nobility Wardenship and now she has three children. That we once went tobogganning together, and that the wind brought her the words “I love you, Nadenka,” is not forgotten; it is for her now the happiest, most touching, and beautiful memory in her life....

這都是過去的事了。小雪早就有了人家——也不知道嫁得情不情愿——嫁給了一個有頭有臉的大官，還養(yǎng)了三個孩子。但我們當(dāng)年滑過的雪，狂風(fēng)里的那句“小雪，我愛你”她仍然記得，那是她這輩子最幸福，最感動，最難忘的回憶……

But now that I am older I cannot understand why I uttered those words, what was my motive in that joke....

時過境遷，我始終想不明白當(dāng)初我為什么要說那句話，為什么要開那個玩笑……