【VA-11 Hall-A】賽博朋克酒保行動官方小說——《Sapphic Pussy Rhapsody》
文本系列文集時隔一年重出江湖，簡而言之，這是一個關于Anna和Fore美妙夜晚的短篇故事。
翻譯的時候不知為何很想整成散文的形式，但才疏學淺也沒看過英文的散文，所以翻譯的還是相對一般。各位在看英文版時（漢化版大概也行）或許可以把旁白腦補成像是神界原罪２或者史丹利的寓言里的旁白聲，效果拔群（笑）。
好久沒復制這句話了————個人渣翻自Sukeban Games官網上的官方小說，不能算是官方權威，也不算最最好的翻譯，僅供參考娛樂（笑）。內含劇透，建議了解劇情后再來細讀。內含漢化文本和英文文本以及讀后感。
VA-11 Hall-A: CyberpunkBartender Action
Sukeban Games制作
《VA-11 Hall-A: Sapphic Pussy Rhapsody》
《VA-11 Hall-A：百合貓咪狂想曲》
作者: Fernando Damas/@ironiclark
編輯: Lyric/@lyriclingers
插圖: Merenge Doll/@merenge_doll
設計: Christopher Ortiz/@kiririn51J
日版翻譯: Yosei Muto/@minstrel_bird
Dedicado a todas las mascotas de losautores o los lectores, tanto vivas encuerpo como vivas en recuerdo.
A la alegría que traen y a la melancolía quesu ausencia inevitablemente traerá.
獻給作者、讀者們的每一只寵物，無論活在世上還是活在心中。
敬他們所帶來的無限快樂，敬他們離去后在所難免的憂傷。
他只是個窮人家里的一個窮小孩。
在一座不應存在的城市。
在一片同樣不應存在的區(qū)域中。
在一條被盜走路牌的街道之上，唯有當地人的記憶中才有此一隅?！?/p>
在一棟確實存在的房子里。
在一個房間里，一位普通的同居者時不時會浮想聯(lián)翩：當她離開此地時，周遭的一切是否依然存在?！?/p>
這還有一只貓，而就其本貓而言，他的存在證據確鑿，甚至比上面提到的一切都要真實無比。
這是一只黑色的貓，而不同于其他貓的綠色瞳仁，他閃爍著非比尋常的湛藍雙眸?！?/p>
這是一只流浪貓——嚴格來說是一只前流浪貓——曾經摸爬滾打的貓生都碾作塵埃，悄然散落在他當下不問現世的小腦瓜里?！?/p>
? 在小貓最早的記憶之中，內心或許早已被恐懼和喜悅的浪濤雕蝕得強烈且鮮明，這使得他敢于對抗那些尖牙利齒的惡犬們——哪怕是輕輕一口便足以殺死他；他虛弱的肺部幾乎難以支撐其向分別已久的母親道出喵喵的呼喚，然而現在深陷絕境的小貓卻拼盡全力嚎叫著，試圖阻止面前的敵人們。
緊接著，就在剎那之間，狗群忽然一哄而散。只見一個比自己大上許多的圓形容器砸向了地面，飛濺的水花潑向流浪狗腳邊，隨之而來的轟然巨響嚇退了身邊威脅的犬齒與狂吠?！∪《纳碛皠t是……一只大貓？流浪貓從未見過這樣的景象……它像是一只貓，只是更大，更奇怪…還用后腿直立著?！?/p>
巨貓凝視著流浪貓許久，最后還是搖了搖頭，轉身離去。對小流浪貓而言，自從母親在狗群到來前就下落不明后，這只巨貓便是最貼近母親的事物了。因此，他開始跟在巨貓身后。
當然了，腿越長，動作越快，巨貓步伐太大，流浪貓揮舞的小腿漸漸追之不及，他開始喵喵喊叫，就像是在呼喚自己的媽媽。巨貓停下了腳步，只見小貓水汪汪的藍眼睛直勾勾盯著自己深紅的瞳孔。于是乎，她俯身走近，小貓只覺得一只前爪伸向了自己的肚子?！?/p>
他尋思著，這還真是一個奇怪的姿勢，自己不是被叼著后頸，而是被夾在兩個巨大的爪子上，不過小貓很喜歡這樣。這只巨貓的身形迥然不同，但和他媽媽的身體一樣柔軟，一樣溫暖。在經歷了剛剛九死一生后，小貓早已精疲力盡，再也沒有力氣多做他想了?！?/p>
巨貓把他帶到了一個不同的地方——一個他將會熟悉的地方。從那時起，小貓便鮮少離開此地，這里沒有他曾流浪的天南海北那么寬廣，不過也意味著他明白身邊所有的東西都為何物，明白自己身在何處。
房間的中央是張桌腿很低的小“桌子”，里面擺放著一個暖爐。白天，他喜歡在這里打盹休息；晚上，他的“主人”——也是她的第二個媽媽則會在這里睡覺。這只前流浪貓很喜歡在主人的下巴上就寢，正如他當初和生母一起睡覺時一樣。隨著年歲增長，從小黑球長成了大毛團子，他同樣沉迷在夢中撒潑打滾……哪怕會壓在主人的臉上?！?/p>
不過嘛，她也的確被逗的不亦樂乎就是了?！?/p>
這還有一扇“窗戶”，一個奇怪的屏障，他可以看到卻摸不到對面的東西，透過“窗戶”，他還能瞧見外面的光景何時變幻色彩?！?/p>
在窗外又一次黑白交替過后，黑貓從午睡中迷迷糊糊地醒了過來?！?/p>
他一如既往地坐在“桌子”上，但桌子的位置似乎改變了。他看到了截然不同的東西，他還聞到、聽到了不一樣的東西！
當他慢慢清醒過來后，才確信這不是自己熟悉的空間。
在很~~~~久很久之前，房間里發(fā)生過一系列小變化，他的主人給他帶來了許多“紙盒”，她看起來有些不大開心，但……她帶的可是紙盒??！哦~那可真是段美好回憶啊~小貓記得每次跳進盒子里時，主人都會放些新玩意來歡迎自己。還有一次，他運用神乎其神的潛行躲避技能藏在紙盒中，急切地想給主人留下深刻印象，只是這項技能有點神過頭了，以至于還沒被主人發(fā)現，自己就先潛入了夢鄉(xiāng)。直到小貓餓的前胸貼后背，不得不放棄如此精妙的藏身之處——他喵喵亂叫，直到主人再次親自找出這個紙箱?！?/p>
她把小貓拎了出來，然后給了他比平日更多的食物，或許是為了道歉吧，畢竟她在密封紙箱時并沒有發(fā)現自家寶貝兒子居然在里頭。不過這對小貓而言倒也可以理解，不同于他，人類那可憐的嗅覺和狩獵本領實在令貓汗顏，所以他優(yōu)雅地接受了主人的道歉?！?/p>
但“愉快紙箱時代”好景不長，黑貓發(fā)現自己身處一個奇怪的硬盒子之中，他的主人也曾用其將他帶出熟悉的房間?！?/p>
在硬盒子里呆了一段時間后，他發(fā)現自己處在一個滿是尿騷味的地方，充斥著吵鬧的人類、狗子、還有聞起來像狗子的家伙。有時，在離開硬盒子后，他又挪到了一張光滑冰冷的桌面上。其中一個人類對黑貓那雙強力無比的狩獵武器抱以強烈的興趣，不僅嘴巴上欽佩無比，溢美之詞接二連三；而且手也沒閑著，對著他東戳戳西捅捅。還好，寬心大度的他并不會對這種無禮之舉而貓顏大怒。
只是每次離開硬盒子后，他依然會回到屬于自己親切的房內。盡管黑貓不清楚下次奇妙盒子又會帶著自己走向何方，但他還是一如既往地同意主人用她的前爪把自己撈將起來，然后等待著再一次重返故里?！?/p>
黑貓再也沒有回到熟悉的家了——如今，他身在一個全新的地方，這兒更大、更寬、更高。黑貓可以在新家盡情地躍動身姿，再也無需擔心會碰到“天花板”或是“掛燈”。他還有了更多可以探索的區(qū)域，這的“門”并沒有上鎖，只要貓爪一推便可以發(fā)現更多的門以及更多的空間?！?/p>
有時，小貓的冒險之心怦然作亂，讓他發(fā)現了一個身材更大、更加柔軟的人類，他的主人時常在前者面前顯得小鹿亂撞。有時，一個皺著眉頭的小個子會帶來另外兩個較小的人類，這兩人聞起來則像是那個身材高大的柔軟人類?！?/p>
黑貓尚不知曉這一切都是什么，自己又在哪里。不過，他現在有了一個最新熟悉的地方：他的“臥室”，同時也是主人睡覺的房間，尤其是與黑貓隨意冒險的陌生地區(qū)相比更是如此。畢竟再怎么說，這里還留存著他的桌子與氣味?！?/p>
黑貓喜歡這個房間，但他不喜歡主人現在睡覺的地方。她現在躺在了一個海拔更高，更為輕柔的東西——“床”上，而不是像過去那般方便地睡在桌子底下。床鋪是塊風水寶地，可這也意味著小貓若是想趴在主人臉上睡覺的話，必須得鉆出他的安樂窩，再蹦到床頭，反反復復左右橫跳，這不是想累死朕嗎？！
話雖如此，在迷迷蒙蒙的夢后，黑貓的小腦袋漸漸蒸騰出在陌生環(huán)境蘇醒的困惑與迷茫。屬于他的嶄新清晨拉開了序幕——亦或是拉開了新的夜幕?！?/p>
黑貓的一天總是日理萬機，該喝水喝水，該用餐用餐，該梳毛梳毛，該便便便便。于是乎，他打著長長的哈欠伸懶腰，掃視著自己身旁，確保領地悉數萬無一失。
“窗戶”，正常。“床鋪”，正常。“電視”，正常。冷藏食品盒，正常。還有，那是什么鬼？！?。?/strong>
主人的床上本該空無一物，卻悄無聲息地閃現了什么東西。黑貓被突如其來的異常嚇了一跳，可沒等貓腿反應過來，身子便從原地彈射起步，害得自己笨拙地摔下了桌子。
顯而易見的是，雖然被拖了后腿摔個七葷八素，但黑貓的小腦瓜卻提前做出了縝密而細致的計算，沒錯，他的不完美著陸只是一次戰(zhàn)術佯攻，其目的是分散對面注意力并迷惑對手。小貓有條不紊地站直身子，裝作無事發(fā)生——因為確實啥事也沒有。他跳回桌子，想看看是何方神圣讓自己如此即興發(fā)揮，也順便羞辱它一番，讓它明白自己根本不吃突然驚嚇那一套?！?/p>
回到桌上定睛一看，他瞧見了熟悉的身影：那個“窗型人”。黑貓知道自家主人喜歡她，便放下了戒心?！?/p>
就像有的時候，窗戶會讓他看到光線在對面改變顏色一樣，窗的那頭也會映出蒼白的貓或蒼白的人。哪怕黑貓鮮少有抵達窗戶那邊的情況，沒等他用迅疾的利爪捉住他們，那些貓和人就會像鏡花水月般憑空消失?！?/p>
這個奇特的窗型人此刻就在眼前，但就和窗戶的古怪現象一般，窗型人的身形卻不在這里。她不像那些可以用臉和爪子推開的門，更像是目力所及卻觸之不及的窗影。若是跑過她身旁，黑貓也沒有任何堅硬冰冷的觸感，反而能直接穿過其中。
她和主人時不時從“口袋”中掏出的扁平小人類似，但窗型人不一樣，她根本不需要口袋或是窗戶便能現身?！?/p>
黑貓?zhí)痤^，與窗型人四目相對，只見她舉起自己的前爪說道……
“……噓！”
那么你們以為可以愛著我再讓我一個人死去？
? “對~~~不起！對不起！寶貝兒Fore ，我吵醒你了嗎？”
一名少女正向房里孤零零的小貓表達著歉意。
她身穿一件黑紫相間的JK水手服，裙擺之下則是一條藍色牛仔褲。她有一頭棕色的短發(fā)，但在某些燈光下則泛起幽淡的紫色。雖說著裝獨具風格，但她也顯然不是什么JK或者JD，甚至未必到了上學的年紀?？伤雌饋硪呀浤觊L到沒法混在學校門口糊弄任何人，卻又小到可以騙過所有去主題咖啡館的人們。
只有在那種主題咖啡館里才有這件制服的容身之所，因為在這座城市，沒有一所學校會使用這種風格的校服。也正因如此，她不但沒有融入周遭環(huán)境，反而顯得格外惹人眼球?！?/p>
即便缺少了制服這一屬性，她那格格不入的既視感依然不會改變?！?/p>
首先，她并沒有右臂，這也使得她不得不在靠近肩膀的地方把袖子打成一個整齊的結?！?/p>
其次，這大概是最突出的一個屬性，她實際上有點……不太實際的透明。她可以在空間中滑來滑去地移動自身，有時你還可以直接看穿虛化的她，有時卻又是實實在在的出現在你眼前。有時她和普通人一模一樣，有時卻又閃爍不清，仿佛是在掙扎著維持身影?！?/p>
倘若世界上真的有幽靈的話，那絕對非她莫屬?！?/p>
“為什么今天這里這么吵？”她嘟囔著環(huán)顧四周，想要找出是哪發(fā)出的噪音?！?/p>
但是，除了城市莫名的喧囂之聲，房內唯一的動靜便是她下邊小家伙“呼嚕呼嚕”的困惑聲?！?/p>
“所以你真的可以看見我?。 迸⑴d奮地向Fore喊道——向著咱的小黑貓?！?/p>
“……好吧，就叫我Anna好了，我可不會把自我介紹讓給一只小貓。”她隨即向著虛空大聲喊道，然后才將注意力放返Fore的身上?！胺欧礔ore？這算什么雙關語?。俊薄?/p>
“動物們似乎總能意識到我的存在，但也僅此而已罷了?！盇nna繼續(xù)說道，又好像試圖在忽略什么似的。“但我猜我只是從來沒有試過和特定的動物說話，想來想去，這也是咱們第一次單獨碰面吧。”
“或許你也能看到人類看不見的光？就像那些能看到紅外線的蝦……好像是叫‘琵琶蝦’來著？”Anna一邊說著，一邊在空中滑來滑去，不禁被Fore?跟著搖頭晃腦的神態(tài)逗樂了?！?/p>
“又或許寵物真的能看到幽靈？”她在用“幽靈”這詞代指自己時，立刻皺起眉頭擺出了一副鬼臉?！?/p>
“……所以說，你真的可以清楚地看到我嗎？”Anna迷惑不解地問道，“還是你壓根看不到我，只不過眼前有片影子還是什么的？”
“也有可能……”她陷入了沉思?！啊锌赡堋钡饾u變得焦躁不安“…有沒有可能你先把給嘴閉上？還用得著你說我焦躁不安？你看不出來我在試著和他說——”
Anna打斷了自己，轉頭看向了正心無旁騖給腦袋打理毛發(fā)的Fore。
舔舔爪子，梳梳頭，舔舔爪子，梳梳頭，舔舔爪子，在稍微梳梳左邊的頭……
Anna靜靜地望著Fore，半分鐘時光悄然而逝。她幡然醒悟，自己沒有必要為了這事大動干戈?！?/p>
Anna飄過桌子，穿過了想要觸碰裙擺的Fore，她模仿黑貓的姿勢，在桌旁款款坐下。
“我不喜歡你?！盇nna沖著虛空喊道“哎不，不是說你Fore！我是說——”
接著，Anna嘆了口氣——用她那并不存在的肺部呼出了一口虛無飄渺的空氣?！拔铱傆X得你媽媽其實背地里是只貓……當然當然，你肯定是貓媽生的，我指的是你的人類媽媽?！盇nna對著全神貫注梳理后腿的Fore喃喃道，“我的意思是，第一，這就可以解釋為什么她能看到我了；第二，你要是仔細想想的話也會發(fā)現，她身上的確散發(fā)著一些……獨屬于貓咪的氣質?！薄?/p>
“她總是揣著一副精致優(yōu)雅又酷酷的面孔，但只要你和她聊上不到幾分鐘，她就會開始口吐毛球、向著大門撒丫子跑、蹦蹦跳跳地摔跟頭，還會去追那些閃閃發(fā)光的小玩意?！盇nna在評價完后忍俊不禁起來，“開玩笑啦開玩笑~她要真想著蹦高點的話還得再練幾年，你可別被她那雙大長腿給忽悠了。”
“但說實話，這個觀點嘛……我不知道還能不能找到更多理由?！盇nna伸了伸她那并不存在的手臂肌肉，幾乎與此同時，Fore也抻開雙腿，扭頭打理自己側身的毛發(fā)。“當你贏得她的信任時，會不會有中了大獎的感覺？就好像自己榮獲了“Julianne Stingray寒暄問好俱樂部”的成員資格一樣?！薄?/p>
“真像只貓啊……”Anna把自己虛化的雙臂環(huán)抱胸前搭在桌前，仿佛透明的自己真的可以靠在這個表面之上?！啊恢粡仡^徹尾的貓，夾著尾巴的慫貓?！?/p>
“喵！”Fore大聲抗議起來，就好像有人擼的他太久了似的。他莫非聽懂了Anna的話語？正打算直抒胸臆維護主人的名譽？
無論是何緣故，這聲叫喚都嚇得Anna驚坐而起。Fore則不慌不忙地起身離席。Anna再次用她那并不存在的肺部嘆了口氣，不過她很快就意識到Fore只是中途喝水休息，只見他很快便跳回桌面，嘴角上仍殘留著滴答掉落的水珠，然后繼續(xù)埋頭梳毛——這回輪到前爪了?！?/p>
“我想說……”萬一這只小貓早就讀懂了自己呢，她繼續(xù)說到：“抱歉啦？我不是故意侮辱她的，而且我也沒有說錯?！薄?/p>
“我們都是夾著尾巴的懦夫?！彼心Ｓ袠拥赝罂肯?，此刻正擺出一副用手撐地的樣子?！啊心Ｓ袠印也皇钦f了我不喜歡你嗎？算了算了，你知道么？懦弱是人們最自然而然的天性，是最與生俱來的本能?！薄?/p>
“當壞事發(fā)生時，大腦會指引你避開那些會導致壞事發(fā)生的……事情?！盇nna以老師上課的語氣念誦道，“懦弱，就是逃避那些會造成痛苦的東西，但那也只是一種簡單至極的生存方式?！薄?/p>
“但是人類呢？人類是種冥頑不靈的生物，總是毅然決然地無視掉基礎的本能與常識。他們默不作聲，一遍又一遍地重蹈覆轍，不顧一切所謂的合理性——直到他們走向成功。正當Anna顧自言語時，Fore因為伸展過度挪到了危險的邊緣，再次和地板來了個親密接觸。他又跳回原位，搖搖晃晃地杵在桌子外圍梳毛?！昂茱@然，人類不是唯一不開竅的……”
“話雖如此，我還是覺得實際情況其實要更加復雜?！盇nna一邊說，一邊滿懷希望地盯著向她靠近的Fore，盡管他依然在桌子邊緣踱著貓步，這回卻沒有摔下去。“如果你在社會上還是死抱著那生存方式不松手，那最終只會一個人溺死吧。更何況你還是個社會性動物，這些都會把你拖入人間地獄?！薄?/p>
“然而，人類的大腦天生就是這么構造的?！碑斂吹紽ore決定離開桌邊回到中心時，Anna不禁松了口氣?！安灰咽稚煜驙t中之火，以及搬出繁世輕松自在的離群索居，兩者對你的大腦而言其實是一碼事。”
“不過……誰才是最大的傻瓜呢？是那個在火爐旁抱薪自焚的勇者，還是那個寧愿餓死也不愿踏進廚房的愚者呢？”
Anna沉默了一會兒，而Fore看起來已經打理完畢，只見他起身走向飯碗，準備大吃一頓?！?/p>
“所以，當遇到那些避無可避的矛盾之時，人們就會產生一種心之壁，你說是吧？”Anna笑瞇瞇地注意到，Fore?喜歡把食物灑在地板上享用，而不是在碗里乖乖就飯?！澳阒恍枰雷约旱能浝吆卧冢⒈M可能地堆砌心防?！薄?/p>
“就像你媽媽那樣?！痹捯魟偮?，Fore便停下了嘴邊的動作，扭頭和Anna短暫對視了一會兒，接著又繼續(xù)吃了起來。也許小貓真的聽懂了她的長篇大論?！八员憩F的那樣尖酸刻薄，你覺得是為了讓別人見而遠之嗎？不……我覺得恰恰相反?！?/p>
“你瞧，當你因為害怕被人利用而不但壓抑自己時，你就會愈加害怕別人發(fā)現自己的是否誠心實意?！盇nna對著這只吃飯的小貓念叨時，語氣又不禁自然而然地再次充滿了學術性質?！耙虼?，你披上了一件超現實的外衣來裹住自己的真心。”
“畢竟，如果你總是直言不諱地表達自己，那你其實就是在盡可能的坦誠相待了，對吧？你不會什么事都遮遮掩掩的，是吧？”
一陣短暫的沉默悄然而至，仿佛是對觀眾心照不宣的演講獨白。
“哈！”Fore被突如其來的喊聲嚇得扭頭看向Anna?！皩Σ黄?！你繼續(xù)吃吧，不用管我。”
“但也是啊，那根本騙不了任何人。每個人都能一眼看穿，我想你媽媽也不打算再裝模作樣下去了?！彼@么說著時，Fore又回到桌上開始飯后的清潔梳毛工作?！暗帜茏鍪裁茨?？她只知道這是唯一保護自己的方法啊?！薄?/p>
Anna再一次沉默不語。但她并不是在理清思路，而更像是鼓足勇氣向面前的小貓朋友道出深埋心底的話語?！?/p>
“你真要一字不落地把什么都說出來嗎？”她朝著虛空怒吼道，似乎還有什么想要發(fā)泄出來——直到Anna看到了Fore一臉迷惑的表情?！?/p>
“可是你也知道……哪怕他們可以一眼看穿偽裝，但朋友之間就是應該相互扶持啊，你說是吧？”話說著，Anna躺在了地板上，促使好奇小貓朝著地板望去，仿佛不愿落下二人之間的對話。“你學會了如何筑起心墻，保護自己不受世界惡意的侵蝕。但隨之而來的一樣也有真心為你之人，他們甚至不辭辛勞愿意攀過高墻，只為與你相擁?！薄?/p>
一陣短暫，卻又不言自明的靜默?！?/p>
“我也曾有過這樣的朋友……”
Anna不覺間跌入了一段熟悉的回憶中，她想擰緊絲絲心弦，集中精力不讓自己陷得太深，但時間卻將記憶的列車一分一秒倒帶往昔。當下的她已無力掌舵，只能任其呼嘯而來?！?/p>
她直起身，不得不讓Fore跳開這個無形少女的體內。
“你媽媽是個幸運的姑娘……我是說，首先，她有你這小寶貝陪著。而且她還能看到光芒萬丈的我?！盇nna苦笑一聲，繼續(xù)說道，“再說了，她身邊還有那么多好人……”
“巨ｒｕ黑客，她的老板，還有個總是呆在酒吧的家伙，那個貓耳娘和經常跟著她的藍發(fā)女孩，Becky……”Anna一根手指一根手指地數著“好人”們的名字，正打算繼續(xù)時卻發(fā)現不夠用了，她為了不漏掉“Becky” ，甚至特意多變出來一根手指。只是這樣的花招似乎對她的點名來說并無必要?！?/p>
Anna就像甩掉手上的水珠一樣晃了晃手，那根多余的手指也隨之消失不見。
“不管怎樣，如果她真想要拒人千里之外，那她實在做的不像樣。她身邊有太多老好人了。”
“不……她可沒有拒絕他們，她打了個賭——把自己的傷口毫無保留地展現給大家，而他們也盡心盡力地撫慰她的身心……”每吞吐一個字，Anna的語氣亦交織著一分苦澀。“她真的很幸運啊，我好嫉妒她……”
最后幾個字在Anna嘴邊揮之不去，說出口時滿是辛辣的挖苦諷刺，但回味的剎那卻滌蕩起內心陣陣漣漪，她試圖平復愈攪愈渾的波瀾，卻只是剪不斷，理還亂。
“這合乎邏輯，是吧？近朱者赤，近墨者黑。你可以和好朋友同甘共苦，在你落入低谷時，他們也會拉你一把?！盇nna越說越快，好似心中的洪流再也無法抑制，一股腦地傾吐而出?！?/p>
“不僅要面對那些傷害了自己的人，還要去面對被自己傷害的人。當人們最需要傾聽之時，去給予他們真誠的陪伴。在你最低迷的時候抓住機會，意識到你其實并沒有自己想象的那么孤單。”Anna的語速依然很快，可現在聽起來卻如同在嘲諷那些陳詞濫調?！?/p>
“天?。∮袀€朋友可真是太~~~好了！”
只是這句話，Anna并沒有脫口而出。她更像是在參透其中浸染蔓延的苦楚。
她在一個非人類的見證者面前縱情懺悔，只是相對于Anna的告解，小貓更感興趣的則是她的一舉一動?！?/p>
這里沒有什么側耳傾聽的大人物，也沒有能心領神會的知己，更沒有人會站出來提出異議。她可以隨心所欲地說出自己喜歡的話，不必擔心會產生任何影響?！?/p>
而這對她來說是最為痛苦的事情，也是她內心悲愴不已的源頭。哪怕她承認這一切，已定之事又會有任何轉機可言嗎？
這興許也是為什么Anna決定和她的小貓朋友來一次“推心置腹”的交談，事實上，至少Fore還能看到自己，這使得Anna有了更多互動的感覺。再說了，小貓可不會對吐槽自己的一舉一動?！?/p>
頃刻之間，Anna發(fā)出了今晚的第三聲嘆息，盡管她那并不存在的肺部著實呼不出任何空氣，但似乎確實有什么東西排出了體外。
她那始終笑意盎然的雙眸此刻卻黯淡無光，耷拉著肩膀，臉上的肌肉也放松散開。這種種細微的變化慢慢浮現在Anna身上，直到她的全身都沉浸在不言而喻的變化之中?！?/p>
起初，苦澀的心泉只是在不經意間汩汩冒泡，此刻則完全沸騰開來?！?/p>
“你知道嗎……”隨著心態(tài)的轉變，Anna也不在乎什么舉止或禮儀了。她依然維持著坐姿，只是開始在房間里轉轉悠悠地飄來飄去。“在遇見你媽媽之前，我的生活可簡單多了?！薄?/p>
“為什么我會變成現在這幅鬼樣子？那當然是——我啥也不知道?！彼曋约和该鞯氖郑暗辽傥抑滥切┐_實存在的事實?！薄?/p>
“我出院后正好走過街道，回頭想看看媽媽在哪，但只看到了一輛卡車就撞在了我剛剛還站著的地方。我當時腦子里只有一個念頭，我怎么特么命能這么好？要是在醫(yī)院門口被撞飛那才真是倒了血霉，但后來呢？你猜也猜不著，我看到被碾在輪胎下的是我！出車禍的竟然是我！”
盡管房里的氣壓明顯很低，Fore卻感到興奮而快活。他開始在桌上跳來跳去，想要捉住空中漂浮著的Anna?！?/p>
“我尖叫著，哭泣著，祈禱著奇跡，但媽媽卻看不到我、也聽不到我?！彼Z氣平淡，略顯疲態(tài)地回憶著自己的死狀，猶如在沒有伴奏的樂曲中吟誦著臺詞。“所以，這就是現在的我啦，對不？一只附著在世界之墻上的無頭蒼蠅。我可以出現在任何地方。出于某些原因，我還能進入電子設備的空間，那種感覺……實在難以描述……我想想，大概就像推門而入那樣輕松……”
“然后！”她忽然停在空中，好像是在強調這個詞一樣，害得Fore不小心跳得太高了?！叭缓螅易哌M了這間聞所未聞的酒吧里，然后！我勒個天！吧臺的美女居然能看到我！然后……呃啊，現在我倒希望她看不見了?！ 薄?/p>
“我是說啊，這么多年我終于能遇上一個說得上話的人了，當然高興壞了?！盇nna飄了起來，躺在半空中上下翻飛，就像是綁在了一個無形的陀螺儀上?！暗胰缃衩靼琢?，那些所謂的事實也不過如此，曾經安慰我的那些也不過是一個巨大的謊言?！薄?/p>
“至于現在呢？我那時打算去一片混亂的阿波羅銀行探個究竟，喔噢，看哪，那居然真有人能看到我。我可不能讓那位藍發(fā)的姑娘就這么死在那，對吧？”Anna好像想起了什么，漸漸放慢了飄浮的速度?！啊{發(fā)……？嗯……啊……真是巧了?！薄?/p>
隨著話題的繼續(xù)，Anna懸浮的節(jié)奏同樣回到正軌。“接著是Becky，哦我的Becky小寶貝兒，我素未謀面的妹妹……有多少次我希望自己能和你說說話，和你相互擁抱?。楷F在你確實能聽到我的聲音了，可我卻真的不愿讓你聽見。”
在屢次嘗試撲上空中的人影后，Fore早已精疲力盡地躺倒在地。可他依然懶洋洋地在空中揮舞爪子，好讓大家都知道他是一位卓越可敬的獵人。Anna也順從地降低了懸浮高度，讓他的爪子時不時能略過她的裙擺。
“她現在能清楚地聽到我說話，這可不是什么好事。我再也不能像以前一樣遠遠地望著她了，因為她如今也能看到我是否發(fā)生了什么變化……”Anna繼續(xù)道，“現在我還可以和她聊天了，可我該說些什么好呢？‘哈嘍，雖然有些突然，但我其實是你姐姐，只是在你被制造前不小心被車撞死了。但那不重要，重要的是你更喜歡’*Kira* Miki?還是B-link？”
“所以說，我曾篤信的事實如今卻是個徹徹底底的謊言，我感覺人們漸漸能看到我了，可不知為何我卻無法控制住自己的身形……”Anna在房間里滑行的速度似乎隨著她的思緒而起伏不定?！斑@實在讓人好奇，為什么是現在?為什么不是在以前?為什么我被世界孤立了這么多年？到底是什么發(fā)生了改變？”
Anna沮喪地呻吟了一聲，全身癱坐在地上，漂浮著思考與討論這一切令她疲憊不堪，看起來真像字面意義上的萎靡泄氣。Fore也決定換一個不那么累貓的姿勢，起身走向Anna，和她一同側躺在地板上?！?/p>
盡管她剛剛一直在大倒苦水，可Anna仍強撐笑意。小貓也依然豎起耳朵，認真傾聽著她的悲傷?！?/p>
“寶貝兒，你確實是只有點東西的小貓。”Anna一邊說著一邊伸手撫向她，頓時遺憾自己沒法親手摸到Fore，“你差點就讓一個女孩子對你敞開心扉了，不是么……”
“我猜，有其母必有其子吧?！彼吐暩袊@道，褪去了先前對Fore慈祥寵溺的語氣?！?/p>
接著，Anna仰面朝天，完全沒有了平日的靈動活潑。時間分秒流逝著，而她仍舊只是盯著天花板，和身旁的Fore一同努力保持沉默?！?/p>
Anna的精神早已倦怠無比，這詭異的薛定諤式賽博幽靈身份令她異常反感，積壓許久的不快涌上心頭。她還更厭惡那些潛伏在胸中的幽怨、那些伺機而出、蠢蠢欲動的感情——而今，她的心墻被轟然洞開。
在Anna痛苦猖獗的內心深處籠罩著無垠的黑暗，難以否定的哀傷凝結成了一塊琥珀。相比起什么預料之中的中年危機、什么由感知能力改變或缺失所帶來的存在主義危機，什么孤獨無聊憤怒悲傷的情緒——她最不愿回想的，是關于“她”的回憶?！?/p>
Anna明白，塵封這份回憶的同時，一樣埋沒了自己前世今生的珍貴瞬間，但她更不愿觸及那些回憶背后的心酸往事?！?/p>
數月前的那一回，是在她第一次遇到Fore的主人時，Anna不禁犯下了那個錯誤——提起了“她”——那是她軟肋，是她永遠封鎖的心之壁，但她依然敞開了心扉。
那是多么愜意的夜晚啊，直到Anna將“她”的名字脫口而出，她才意識到自己所犯下的差錯。她不得不費盡心機才讓一切回到正軌，哪怕她很想再次拜訪Fore的主人，但她還是決定先平復心情，哪怕稍微多花費了幾周時間?！?/p>
“告訴過你了，對吧？”Anna向著虛空說，“我們都是夾著尾巴的懦夫，彼此彼此罷了……”
夜色愈加濃厚，突然間，Fore直起身板奔向門口，大聲地喵喵歡叫。Anna好奇地打量小貓，猜測他想做什么?！?/p>
只見推門而入之人正是下班回家的Fore的主人?！?/p>
一只惡魔降臨到我身邊。
她烏黑的秀發(fā)通常扎成整齊的雙馬尾，現在則是和她的領帶一樣隨意解開，輕松鋪在肩頭。她將外套拿在手上，解開了鉛筆裙的拉鏈。脫下的鞋襪旁則是Fore的親切歡迎：用小腦袋在主人雙腿處蹭個不停。
她抬眼一看，恰巧與Anna目光相接，而拖到一半的裙子正顫顫巍巍地擋在她雙臀間。
Fore的主人很快便意識到了什么，整張臉宛如打翻了震驚與擔憂的調料瓶，亂成了一鍋粥——她清楚的很，這位客人來者不善?！?/p>
只不過，對Anna而言，她則是另一副截然不同的變臉過程——
她的眼中再次煥發(fā)光輝，抖擻著肩膀，活躍的面部肌肉展露出莞爾一笑?！?/p>
Anna的笑顏不僅僅是因為對著小貓哭訴心腸后的深深欣慰，更是因為Fore主人的出現。只需要她出現在自己面前，就能輕易產生如此愉悅的化學反應?！?/p>
一個溫馨小提示：人們?yōu)樽员ＫO下的心之壁，和它所守護的軟肋一樣，都只是人們身心的一部分。
換言之，Anna感覺到了一股自我肯定、包容萬物的欲望——盡情去逗弄某人?！?/p>
她注意到，自己正作為觀眾欣賞Fore的主人一臉掙扎地寬衣解帶，不禁齜牙咧嘴地壞笑起來?！?/p>
“喲喲喲！”Anna奸笑著，她的聲音滿是惡作劇的意味，絲毫沒有流露出幾分鐘前那苦澀的憂郁。她斜躺在地板上，換了個更為妖嬈的姿勢?！?/p>
“我很高興看到你今天這么饑渴啊，Jo！你讓我一個人悶在這那么久！想要怎么補償我呀？”
感謝大家看到最后，記得我上次看游戲官方的小說還是ff15的《未來黎明》，真有你的啊se！……咳咳，不過看完本篇的時候，我還是發(fā)出了和當時相同的感慨——
說實話，每次Ａｎｎａ主場的劇情都是句句珠璣。再這樣下去ＢＯＳＳ的官方親閨女地位就不保了啊（笑）。
先扯點別的，上次弄漢化還是貓耳ＭＯＤ，那回都是對話倒還好，雖然中英文合起來有三萬五千多字，但并沒有遇到很多難啃的硬骨頭。這回簡直是進了恐龍博物館，這個詞啥啊這句話咋嫩長啊啥啥啥這寫的都是啥，快請百度谷歌搜狗有道翻譯下山！我本來以為只會在當年啃ｆｌｏｗｅｒｓ冬的時候神知不知，沒想到現在看英語都神知不知了，老了老了太久沒動腦了啊＿（：з」∠）＿……折騰了快三天才搞定，雖然現在還是有不滿意的地方（尤其是一些描寫和最后第三部分），不過也能勉強交卷了。
言歸正傳。雖然翻完腰酸背痛的，但翻的過程還是一如既往地愉悅，并不是指又有理由叨擾子夜老師（笑）。不知為何總是有忍不住想玩梗的時候，所以如果你也看到了什么莫名熟悉的東西也不要介意，就當是博君一笑的私貨吧～下面就隨便來聊聊一些梗和實在想吐槽的地方吧。
１.
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３.
４.
５.
６.
７.
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９.
１０.
１１.
１２.
１３.
１４.
１５.
還有一些小的就不說了，感興趣的各位可以直接去康康——不知道去哪看？我會說是在前幾天那條“貼吧直播翻譯”的動態(tài)評論區(qū)置頂有嗎？
言歸正正傳，看完第一遍英文版的時候其實沒多大感想（因為有些詞看不懂），后來慢慢和子夜老師捋了一遍，才發(fā)覺另有乾坤。
我對于Ａｎｎａ這位角色的認知其實也不過是有過悲慘經歷的樂天派小機靈鬼。但這篇文章倒是更為深刻地挖掘了她的人設。她會毫不忌諱地聊起自己的死亡，也會憤憤自己如今賽博幽靈的銀手狀態(tài)；她會樂觀的活下去，也會悲觀的躊躇往事和未來；她會勇敢的活下去，也會去逃避過往——我覺得“一個夾著尾巴逃避的懦夫”正是串聯(lián)本篇的一個重點。
Ａｎｎａ在吐槽完ｊｉｌｌ之后就引出了這一點，順便還長篇大論的說明人類生來如此巴拉巴拉。“不要把手伸向爐中之火，以及搬出繁世輕松自在的離群索居，兩者對你的大腦而言其實是一碼事?！薄?/strong>前者不伸手的人，算是明知山有虎便不向虎山行的“逃避”，后者為了不沾染或是不想沾染世俗而隱居深山老林的人，算是明知山有虎那我干脆眼不見為凈搬到沒有山的“逃避”。但俗話說得好，逃避解決不了任何問題。一味逃避的話，最慘的結果都是……嗝屁——“不過……誰才是最大的傻瓜呢？是那個在火爐旁抱薪自焚的勇者，還是那個寧愿餓死也不愿踏進廚房的愚者呢？”——不是和“所逃避的命運”同歸于盡的他殺，就是被逃避命運的自己作繭自縛地扼殺。
自己逃不掉又不想解決問題，那就躺平咯。為了保護自己也為了保護別人而選擇駕駛ｅｖ……咳咳選擇構筑心之壁。“你只需要知道自己的軟肋何在，并盡可能地堆砌心防?！?/strong>————對于Ａｎｎａ來說，自己的軟肋便是曾經的病友兼戀人Lanette。而對于曾經逃避過去封閉自己的ｊｉｌｌ來說，軟肋便是為了她拋棄過去來到酒吧工作的女友（我最喜歡的）ｌｅｎｏｒｅ。
懦弱的ｊｉｌｌ逃避過去，直到妹妹ｇａｂｙ的前來把窗戶紙捅破了。或許ｊｉｌｌ可能會真的因此而郁郁寡歡，最后真的心懷愧疚抱憾終身——但是ｊｉｌｌ的朋友們不允許，因為幸運的ｊｉｌｌ還有很多知心與交心的朋友陪在身邊，幫助ｊｉｌｌ走出來，不去逃避而選擇直面女友的死亡，和過去懦弱的自己和解。但是Ａｎｎａ呢？
曾經的Ａｎｎａ并不懦弱，哪怕面對致死的疾病也依然苦中作樂，學個鋼琴再練個吉他——但那是她有朋友陪伴的時刻，現在的Ａｎｎａ孑然一身，幾乎失去一切的她看似無所畏懼，整天嘻嘻哈哈地撩妹聊段子，但她卻不敢……或是不愿意再更多的提及Lanette的事。就像心結未除的ｊｉｌｌ一般，可以和親密的人聊到ｌｅｎｏｒｅ的事，但不會像現在這樣提起和她一起玩黃瓜的點點往事。Ａｎｎａ也一樣，她可以和ｊｉｌｌ提到Lanette，但不會——不愿回憶起那些屬于二人的寶貴回憶。Ａｎｎａ同樣畏懼著能聽到或是將會看到自己的Ｄｏｒｏｔｈｙ，不愿意去和她進一步交流。
? Anna哪怕卸去了病痛的殘軀，可她的心里仍有一道疤，也許嬉笑怒罵是天性所致，又或許是掩蓋著心傷的at立場。只有在夜半無人之時才能暫時放下心防，甚至嘲笑起懦弱的自己。
“天??！有個朋友可真是太~~~好了！” “告訴過你了，對吧？我們都是夾著尾巴的懦夫，彼此彼此罷了……” ————Ａｎｎａ曾經擁有真摯的友情，曾經勇敢地面對現實的疾病，但現在她真的變成了自己口中討厭的人類模樣，一個只敢對著貓傾訴心腸的，夾著尾巴的懦夫……她真的已經沒什么可以失去的了 。Nothing really matters, anyone can see.
沒有了嗎？
在最后，“一只惡魔降臨到我身邊”——這只小惡魔正是Ａｎｎａ多年來第一個能看到自己的人，是一個和自己如此相似的人——她幸福過、痛苦過、懦弱過逃避過，但也重新站起來過。ｊｉｌｌ不正是她失去一切后重新目睹的第一縷光嗎？ｊｉｌｌ難道不是Ａｎｎａ的朋友嗎？Ａｎｎａ現在還真的孑然一身嗎？——“只需要她出現在自己面前，就能輕易產生如此愉悅的化學反應?！?/strong>
或許在最后，Ａｎｎａ也必須面對被捅破的窗戶紙，去正視Ｄｏｒｏｔｈｙ，正視自己的母親，正視那個懦弱的自己，但她現在已經不再是孤身一人了。曾經由朋友陪伴的ｊｉｌｌ將會陪著Ａｎｎａ走下去，陪著Anna熬過每一個艱難的夜晚。輪回往復，也無所畏懼，因為不再是一個人獨行踽踽。懦弱將會成為二人永遠的過去式。
我們在游戲圖標見到的第一位就是Ａｎｎａ，開局是Ａｎｎａ，真結尾是Ａｎｎａ，二周目開局是Ａｎｎａ，現在過了這么多年官方續(xù)作還是Ａｎｎａ。這不欽定了天地一字號女主角了（笑）。
其實很多游戲主角成長的方式也都是戰(zhàn)勝過去“懦弱”的自己，嗯當然也有沒戰(zhàn)勝的，說的就是你領主雅各布。不過能再一次看到瓦爾哈拉的角色有如此深刻的刻畫以及未來可期的故事還是挺欣慰的，估計續(xù)作涅槃也大差不差吧。（不過如果能把故事往黑深殘的悲劇寫也不是不行，這么多年了憋個大的刀把角色全送英靈殿也……不是不能接受？完了我成精神變態(tài)了。）
雖說提前打了點腹稿，但還是一股腦地稀里糊涂碼字碼到了半夜，果然還是老了，表情達意功能顯著退化，放四年前那還不得整個瓦爾哈拉之百年孤獨（笑）＿（：з」∠）＿
希望看到這的諸位都能…………嗯打了又打刪了又刪，說希望大家都能不去逃避勇敢面對吧又有趕鴨子上架的感覺，說希望大家都能結交摯友吧又感覺知己難求難度有點大，那就希望大家都能在屬于自己的人生故事中獲得一份快樂的結局吧。
【以下是英文原版】
I
He’s just a poor boy from a
poor family.
?
In a city that shouldn’t exist.
?In a district that by extension also shouldn’t exist.
?On a street whose signage was stolen to sell?the metal it’s made out of, and thus only exists in the collective knowledge of locals.
?
Inside a house that most definitely exists.
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In a room whose usual cohabitant sometimes wonders if it keeps existing when she leaves its confines.
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There is a cat that, as far as he’s concerned, very much exists. Exists way more than any of the above, even.
?
A black cat with very peculiar blue eyes, rather than the green its kind tends to have.
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A stray. Or rather, a former stray. A life of difficulty that’s now the barest of memories in his unconcerned present-biased brain.
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His earliest memory, probably carved there by the sharp contrast between the waves of terror and joy within, pits him against dogs with big mouths full of sharp teeth that could snatch him up in a single bite. His small lungs that were barely able to squeak out a meow to a mother long separated are now doing their best to emit growls to?keep the snarling pack of enemies at bay.
?
And then, they all run. A round container many times bigger than the stray hits the?ground and splashes water at the dogs’ feet, making a loud noise that scatters the threats and teeth and growls surrounding him. And in their place… a big cat? The stray had never seen anything like this before. It’s like a cat, but bigger, and different, standing on its hind legs.
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The giant cat looks at the stray for a long time, shakes its head, and begins to walk away. To the small stray, this is the closest thing to his mother he’s met since she went missing before the dogs, so he starts following the giant cat.
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Of course, with longer legs comes faster movement, longer strides that the stray’s small legs can’t keep up with. He starts meowing the way he called his mother. The giant cat stops, locking its dark red eyes with the stray’s blue. Then the giant cat steps closer and the stray feels it wrap a forepaw under his belly.
?
It’s a weird way to be carried, he thought. He wasn’t pulled by the back of his neck but rather put in between the giant’s paws. The stray liked this. The giant cat’s body was very different, but just as soft and warm as his mother’s body was, and after the stress he had just gone through, he was too exhausted to think much more about it.
?
The giant cat brought him to a different place. A familiar place the stray would rarely, if ever, leave at all from then on. It wasn’t as big as wherever he had been before, but that also meant he knew what everything was and where everything was.
?
There was a small “table” at the center of everything, with low legs and a warm box inthe middle of its underside. This was the place where he liked to nap during the day, and under it was where his surrogate mother, his “human”, slept in the nights. The former stray loved to sleep under his human’s chin as he had done with his birth mother before… Even if getting bigger and older meant that rolling in his sleep landed him on top of his human’s face.
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She did make amusing noises as a result, though.
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There was also the “window”, a weird barrier where he could see things on the other side and yet was unable to cross. Through this “window” he was also able to see when the light outside changed colors.
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And after one such shift in colors, the black cat wakes up from his nap slightly disoriented.
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He’s on his “table” as usual, but the space the table is in is different. He sees completely different things. He smells and hears different things!
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As he wakes up further, he remembers that this indeed is not his familiar space.
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A long, looooong string of small changes?ago, his human brought a lot of “boxes”. She looked distressed, but also… she brought boxes! Oh how joyful that period was. He remembers jumping into the boxes and being greeted with something new his human had put inside them each time. There was also a time he hid inside a box and eagerly awaited impressing his human with his skills in stealth and evasion. He was so skillful that he fell asleep undetected, then got hungry, then couldn't get back outside of his much too skillfully chosen hiding spot, and needed to yell until his human opened the box again.
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She did and then gave him lots more food than usual, probably in apology for being unable to detect him inside the box when she sealed it. It was understandable, however. His human was sadly much worse at smelling and hunting compared to him, so he graciously accepted her apology.
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But after The Time of Fun Boxes, the black cat found himself in the weird hard box his human used to move him to places outside his familiar space.
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Sometimes after the hard box he would be in the space that smelled like urine. There'd be the loud human, and the dog, and the human that smelled like a dog. Sometimes after the hard box he would be on a cold slippery table. A human very interested in his formidable hunting weapons would pokeand prod him while showering him with admiration and gratitude that he chose patiently not to destroy them for their insolence.
?
But after the hard box, he always returned to his familiar space with his familiar things. So he didn't know where he would be after this time inside the weird hard box, but he allowed his human to scoop him up with her forepaws just as she'd always done and waited to return to his familiar space once again.
?
He never saw his familiar space again. Now he was in a brand new space. It was bigger, wider, taller. The black cat could jump really hard here and not hit the “ceiling” or the “l(fā)amp” like he easily could before. There are also more spaces he can visit. The “door” is no longer locked and if he pushes against the door, he can find more doors and more spaces.
?
Sometimes he ventured and found the bigger, softer human that his human sometimes was in heat towards. Sometimes the small human?with a frowning face would come in with two other small humans that smelled a bit like the big, soft human.
?
He still doesn't know what everything is and where everything is. But the space where his human now sleeps, his “room”, is?his new familiar space, especially compared to all the new spaces he now has regular access to. After all, this space still has his table and his smell.
?
He likes the room, but he doesn't like how his human now sleeps in a different place. Instead of conveniently sleeping under the table with him, his human now sleeps on a taller softer thing called a “bed”. The bed is a nice place, but it means the black cat has to move from his warm table to the top of the bed and then back again when he wants to sleep on his human’s face. What a chore!
?
But thus, after the stupor of sleep goes away and his brain shakes off the lingering confusion of waking up in an unfamiliar place, a new day for the black cat begins. Or rather, a new night.
?
He always has a busy schedule. Water to drink, food to eat, fur to groom, poop to poop. So he stretches, lets out a deep yawn, and scans his surroundings to make sure everything is in order.
?
There’s the “window”, the “bed”, the “TV”, the cold food box, and also WHAT IS?THAT?!!
?
Startled by something suddenly appearing without a sound where only his human’s bed should be, the black cat jumps before being able to get his legs out of their resting position. He falls off the table with a clumsy thump.
?
A clumsy but completely calculated thump, obviously. The frantic flailing he just did was a tactical feint to distract and confuse the anomaly. He stands up and acts like nothing happened, because nothing did happen. He jumps back up onto the table to see what caused him to improvise on the spot so that the surprise thing wouldn't feel too much shame for not surprising or startling him at all.
?
After getting back on the table he sees a familiar human, the “window human”. A familiar human that he knows his human likes, so the black cat lowers his guard.
?
Much like how windows sometimes let him see the light change colors on the other side, windows also sometimes have very pale cats or humans inside them. Even on the rare occasion when he can get to the other side of the window, the cats and humans simply vanish instead of being caught in his clever pouncing attacks.
?
This particular window human is here, but like the weird phenomenon in the alreadyweird phenomenon of windows, this human also isn’t here. She was less like a door he could push with his face or paws, and more like a window where he can see things he can't touch. Instead of feeling something cold or hard, if he ran to her he would be able to pass right through her.
?
His human would sometimes bring small flat humans out of her “pocket” that were kinda like this, but the window human is different because she comes in even without the pocket window.
?
The black cat looks up and locks eyes with the window human, who raises a paw and just says…
?
“...Boo!”
II
?
?
You think you can love me and
leave me to die?
“Sorryyyy! Sorry Fore boy, did I wake you?”
?
Apologizing to the lone cat in this room, there was a girl.
?
She was dressed in a black and purple sailor-style school uniform with the skirt worn over blue jeans. Her hair was short and brown, though it seemed to have a purple tint in certain lighting. Despite this dressing style, however, she was very clearly not a student or even of student age. She was old enough to not fool anyone at a school’s entrance, but young enough to fool anyone going to a themed cafe.
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And only in such a themed cafe would those clothes be fitting given that no school inthe city used that style of uniform. Thus, rather than blending in with her surroundings, she stuck out like a sore thumb.
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Though even without the uniform as a factor she still stuck out.
?
For one, she was missing her right arm, causing her to tie the loose sleeve of heruniform into a neat knot near the shoulder.
?
And also, probably even more evidently, she was slightly transparent… kinda. She moved by gliding through space, sliding. Her form was one you could sometimes see through, sometimes not. Sometimes she was indistinguishable from a regular person and other times it looked as if she was struggling to keep her shape.
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If there were such things as ghosts, she would’ve definitely passed as one.
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“Why is it so noisy in here today?” She said as she scanned for any other source of noise.
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But the only noise in the room aside from the ambient sounds of the city was the puzzled “Prrrrr?” of her companion.
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“So you CAN see me!” exclaimed the girl excitedly at Fore, the cat.
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“...look, just call me Anna, I’m not gonna let the cat be called by name and not me,” she then exclaimed to nobody in particular before bringing her attention back to Fore. “‘Back to Fore’, is that a pun?”
?
“Animals have always seemed to at least be aware I’m around,” Anna continued as if trying to ignore something. “But I guess I just never had any particular animal I’d be around more than once. It’s also the first time I’m alone with you, now that I think about it.”
?
“Maybe you can see some light that humans can’t? Kinda like those shrimps that see infrared… ‘Mantis Shrimp’, was it?” She said while gliding side to side, amused by Fore following her movements with his head.
?
“Or maybe it is true that pets can see ghosts?” She exclaimed, immediately wincing as she used the “g” word to refer to herself.
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“...actually, can you even see me properly?” Anna said, increasingly puzzled. “Maybe you don’t see me as me, but as a shadow or something?”
?
“Perhaps…” she started to get lost in thought “...perhaps…” but then she started to grow increasingly annoyed “...perhaps you can SHUT UP if you can tell I’m annoyed? Can’t you see I’m trying to talk with-”
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Anna caught what she just said, and then turned to Fore, who was grooming his head, unaware of anything else in the world.
?
Lick paw, groom head, lick paw, groom head, lick paw, groom head slightly more to the left…
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Anna watched Fore for half a minute in complete silence, as the weight of everything she got heated up about just now dawned on her.
?
She then floated through the table and through Fore, who tried to take a swipe at her skirt, before imitating the act of sitting down at the table opposite Fore.
?
“I don’t like you,” Anna exclaimed to nobody in particular. “No, not you Fore! I meant-”
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She then sighed, with her non-existent lungs, letting out non-existent air.“I wonder if your mom is secretly a cat… you were obviously born from a cat, but I mean your human mom,” Anna said to Fore, who was absorbed in grooming his hind legs. “I mean, it would explain how she can see me, for one. But there’s something very… catlike about her, if you think about it.”
?
“She carries herself with this cool, refined appearance, but you spend half a minute with her and she starts puking hairballs, running against doors, missing jumps, and chasing bright things.” Anna chuckled a little before finishing, “I kid, obviously… she’s not athletic enough to try to jump. Don’t let those legs fool you.”
?
“But there’s, dunno… more.” Anna stretched her non-existent arm muscles almost on cue with Fore as he stretched his legs before moving onto grooming his side. “When you get her trust you feel almost like you won the jackpot? Like you’re in the select club of People Julianne Stingray Will Give The Time Of Day.”
?
“So cat-like…” Anna crossed her nonexistent arm in front of her and on top of the table, then feigned the motion of resting her head on a surface she could easily pass through. “...a complete pussy, a coward.”
?
“Mreow!” Fore let out a loud meow inprotest like someone had pet him for a second too long. Did he understand Anna and was protesting the insult to his human?
?
Whatever the case, it was enough to startle Anna into sitting upright. Fore then got up and left the table. Anna let out another dejected sigh from her non-existent lungs, but soon realized Fore was just going for a drink of water after he came right back to the table with droplets dribbling from his mouth. He resumed grooming himself, this time his front paws.
?
“I mean…” she continued anyways as if the cat understood her, just in case. “Sorry? I didn’t mean it as an insult though. And, I’m not wrong.”
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“We’re all cowards.” She mimicked the act of leaning back from the table, now posing as if she was supporting herself on the ground with her hand. “‘Mimicked’... did I already mention I don’t like you? Anyway. Cowardice is the most natural thing you know? The most basic instinct ever.”
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“Bad thing happens, brain teaches you to avoid bad-thing-causer… thing,” said Anna in a sing-songy, school-teacher-giving-apracticed-lecture sort of tone. “Running away from something that causes distress is cowardice, but also just a simple means of survival.”
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“But humans? Humans are the dumb animals that decide to ignore that basic common sense instinct. They dumbly repeat the bad thing again and again, against all reasonable odds, until they succeed.” As she said this, Fore stretched too much to reach a tricky spot and fell off the table again. He jumped back up and resumed grooming himself in the exact same position, where his center of mass teetered precariously over the edge of the table. “Clearly not the only ones, though…”
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“Though I guess it’s more complicated than that,” she said watching expectantly as Fore approached but never quite completely fell over the edge of the table. “If you follow that survival instinct in a society you end up alone. And when you’re a social creature, that’s hell on earth.”
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“And yet it’s what human brains are wired to do.” Anna relaxed a bit after Fore finally decided to move further away from the edge into the center of the table. “The same function that teaches you to not touch the fire of a stove is the one that makes it feel like it’d be easier to live in the woods away from everyone.”
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“And yet… who’s the bigger fool? The one who keeps burning themselves at the stove or the one who starves alone after being too afraid to set foot in the kitchen ever again?”
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Anna got quiet for a second. Fore, seemingly done with his grooming, stood up from the table and went to his food bowl.
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“So when you can’t avoid inevitable conflict you develop a shield of some sort, right?” Anna noticed, amused, that Fore liked to drop food on the floor before eating it rather than just eating from the bowl. “You just learn what part of you is vulnerable and build as much of a defense around it as you can.”
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“Just like your mom.” Upon saying this, Fore stopped eating and turned to lock eyes with Anna briefly before returning his attention to his food again. Perhaps the cat DID understand some of what she said. “She presents herself in that caustic, potty mouthed demeanor of hers. You’d think it’s meant to push people away, but… quite the opposite, I’d argue.”
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“You see, when you repress so much out of fear that it’ll be used against you, you grow fearful that people will know you aren’t being fully sincere.” Her tone turned academic again with a surprisingly natural ease as she spoke to the eating cat. “So you create this hyperreal version of sincerity to coat yourself in.”
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“After all, if you’re so aggressively straightforward, so foulmouthed whenexpressing yourself, you’re being as sincere as can be, right? You couldn’t possibly be hiding anything, right?”
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Then a beat of silence, measured out carefully as if delivering a scripted monologue before an audience.
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“HAH!” The loud exclamation made Fore turn around to Anna. “Sorry! Keep eating. Don’t mind me.”
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“But yeah, it doesn’t fool anyone at all. Everyone can see right through it, and I don’t think your mom even pretends that it works anymore.” As she said this, Fore went back to the table to groom himself again, this time to clean the results of his meal. “But what can she do? That’s the only way she knows how to defend herself.”
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Anna went quiet again. But rather than collecting her thoughts it was more like she was finding the strength to say something deeply buried within herself to her feline partner.
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“Do you really have to describe everything?” She exclaimed annoyed at nobody in particular and seemed about to say something else until she saw Fore’s bemused face.
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“But you know… even if people can see right through it, that’s what friends are for, aren’t they?” Right as she said this she laid on the floor, prompting Fore to look over the edge of the table, as if he was keeping track of her and the conversation. “You learn how to put up your walls to protect yourself from the world, but then comes along people who can see right through them, even go out of their way to climb right on over all your hard work just to be with you.”
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A brief, but noticeable pause.
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“I had someone like that once…”
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Anna got lost in a familiar train of thought for a moment. She tried to push it away with every ounce of her mental fortitude, but it had become harder and harder to leave this train of thought as a problem for another day as time passed. Today she felt like this train of thought was barreling towards her while she could only stand helpless in its path.
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She then sat back up again, prompting Fore to leap out of the way of the intangible girl.
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“Your mom’s a lucky girl… I mean for one, she has a nice boy like you to keep hercompany. And for another, she can see me in all my glory.” Anna let out a bitter chuckle before continuing. “But also, she’s surrounded by so many nice peeps…”
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“The titty hacker, her boss, that one guy that’s always at the bar also, the bougie cat girl, the one with the blue hair, Becky…” Anna counted the “peeps” with her one hand as she named them, and was going to continue on, but she’d already run out of fingers. She’d even produced an extra finger so as not to leave “Becky” out, and growing more fingers just felt excessive for the point she was trying to make.
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Anna shook her hand as if she was flicking some water off of it and the extra finger was no more.
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“Anyway, if she really was trying to push people away, she’s amazingly horrible at it. She’s surrounded by too many decent people.”
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“No… she didn't push them away. She took a gamble, showed them where it hurt, and they actually helped her with her wounds…” The bitterness in Anna’s voice increased with every word. “Lucky her. I’m sooo jealous…”
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Those last words lingered in her mouth. They were said with every attempt at ironyand sarcasm, but they stirred something inside of her, something she was trying to push back in, but couldn’t. It was already out and trying to keep the gates closed was becoming harder and harder.
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“It’s the logical thing, right? You interact with certain types of people, you grow up yourself as a certain type of person as a result. You can share the joys of the good, the burdens of the bad. You know if you trip, someone will be there to help you stand back up.” Anna started talking faster and faster with each word, as if she’d grown tired of trying to keep them in and was spitting them out of her mouth.
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“Face someone that hurt you and come to terms with how you hurt them, too. Offer a kind ear to folks that don’t have one when they need it most. Take a chance in your lowest moment and realize you aren’t as alone as you thought you were.” She was still speaking quickly, but now it sounded like she was mocking some cliche platitudes.
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“Oh boy! Having friends is soooo nice!”
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She didn’t spit these words out. It was more like she was savoring the bitterness they were soaked in.
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A moment of indulgent confession in front of a non-human witness more interested in watching her movements than in attempting to comprehend her speech.
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Nobody of importance heard her. Nobody who could've understood what she said, let alone taken issue with any of it was aware she was here uttering these words at all. She was free to say whatever she liked with no consequence or effect on anything at all.
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And that was the most galling thing to her, the very reason she had an endless well of bitterness and sorrow inside. Even if she were to acknowledge it was there, what would it change?
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Perhaps that’s why she’d decided to have this little “heart to heart” with her feline companion. The fact that he could at least see her was more interactivity than she usually got. At least with someone she didn't have to measure her every move with.
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And in that instant, Anna let out her third dejected sigh of the night. And even if there wasn’t any air leaving her nonexistent lungs, something did seem to leave her as she sighed.
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Her eyes, which always seemed to besmirking mischievously at everything on their own, lost their luster. Her shoulders slumped. The muscles in her face relaxed. Minute changes that would be indistinguishable from the usual rippled across her form until there was a noticeable shift in her body language as a whole.
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The bitterness that had only bubbled up inadvertently at first was boiling at the surface now, fully revealed.
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“You know…” With the shift in attitude also came a disregard for appearances and decorum. She began to float and spin around the room while still in a sitting position. “My life was so much easier before meeting your mom.”
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“Sure, I don’t know a single god forsaken thing about why I’m like this.” She looked at and through her one hand. “But at least I knew SOME things to be a fact.”
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“I get out of the hospital. I cross the street. I look back to see where Mom is, only to see a truck had crashed right where I just was. I think damn, I’m sure lucky, wouldn't that have been the shittiest thing, to get hit right out of the hospital doors like that? But then wouldn't you know it, that's ME, that's my body right under that tire!”
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Despite the clear and unpleasant shift in mood, Fore was clearly excited and amused. He began jumping and leaping to catch Anna as she floated around the room.
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“So I scream and cry and pray and beg. But Mom can’t see or hear me.” She recollected her own death with a flat and tired voice, like reciting song lyrics without the music meant to accompany them. “So I assume this is my reality now, right? A fly on the wall of the world. I can be anywhere. And for some reason electronic devices are now also like rooms I can enter, which is… really hard to explain how that feels, now that I think about it… It just comes as naturally as opening a door…”
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“And then!” She stopped dead in the air as if to emphasize those words, causing Fore to overshoot a jump. “And then, I enter this bar I hadn’t seen before and by the tits of the holy cow, the cutie at the counter can see me! And… and man, now I wish she couldn’t.”
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“I mean, I was euphoric that I was able to speak to another human for the first time in years.” Anna resumed floating, this time lying down, yet still in mid-air, spinning along three different axes as if strapped to an invisible gyroscope. “But now the one thing I know to be fact is no longer so, the one constant I took solace in was apparently just a huge false positive.”
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“And now? Well I decide to go to the Apollo Bank when it went to hell to check on things and oh, look at that, someone there can actually see me. And I can’t just let that blue-haired girl fend for herself in such a mess, can I?” Her floating slowed for a second as something came to her. “…blue hair…? Hmmm… nah, what are the chances.”
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Her floating resumed her pace as she continued. “Then there’s Becky, oh my sweet lil’ Becky, the sister I never got to meet… How many times have I wanted to talk to you, to hug you? And now that you can apparently at the very least hear me, I seriously wish you couldn’t.”
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Fore was clearly exhausted from trying to catch the floating human form and flopped to the ground on his side. He continued lazily swiping his paws at the air, to make sure everyone knew he was a formidable hunter. Anna obligingly lowered the height of her meandering floating about the room, allowing Fore’s paws to pass through the ends of her skirt every now and then.
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“She can apparently hear me nowadays and that sucks. I can’t watch her from a distance like I used to either, because she can now see if I change something, too…” She continued. “And now that I might be able to talk to her… what would I even say? ‘Hello! This is kind of sudden, but I’m your sister that died in a gruesome case of vehicularmanslaughter before you were deployed, but more importantly, do you prefer *Kira* Miki or B-link?’”
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“So not only is the one thing I knew as fact now a total lie, but now it feels like people have gradually been able to see me more and more for reasons that escape me and my control…” The speed at which Anna glided across the room seemed to ebb and flow in conjunction with her thoughts. “Which then makes you wonder, why now? Why not before? Why isolate me like this for years? What changed?”
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Anna let out a deeply frustrated groan as she came to a complete rest against the ground, completely exhausted by all the flying and thinking and talking. The effect made it seem as if she had literally deflated. Fore decided to get up from his own tired and deflated position and took a few steps to join Anna in lying on the floor on their sides.
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Despite the bitter aftertaste of everything she’d just let loose, Anna still smiled as the cat diligently continued listening to her woes.
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“There’s something about you, boy,” she said. She extended her one hand towards him and immediately regretted her inability to pet him. “You just make a girl wanna pourher heart out to you, don’t you…”
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“Like mother like son, I guess,” she then uttered under her breath, in a tone less charitable or flattering than the one directed at the cat.
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And then, she laid there in complete and uncharacteristic silence and stillness. Minute after minute passed with Anna only staring at the ceiling, as diligently still as Fore was by her side.
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She was mentally exhausted. She didn’t like how some of her bottled up and completely pointless grievances about being some kind of weird Schroedinger’s cyber ghost had just come out like that. She especially didn’t like how many more were still lurking inside, wanting to come out, waiting to come out, now that the floodgates had opened.
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And deep within the endless well of dark bitterness inside her was a particularly dense nugget of undeniable grief. More than her oh-so-predictable mid-afterlife crisis, more than the existential questions brought forth by the shifting nature of her perceivability or lack thereof, more than any loneliness or boredom or anger or sadness she had, the last thing she wanted to think about was those memories of “her”.
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She knew by repressing these memories she was denying herself a lot of her most precious moments, in this life and her previous one. But she was also sparing herself the pain associated with their recollection as well.
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One time, months ago, in her first encounter with Fore’s human, Anna made the mistake of bringing “her” up. It was a moment of weakness, a door she never wanted opened, and yet she’d opened it up anyway.
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It was so casual, and yet the moment “her” name left Anna’s lips, she realized her mistake. It took an insane amount of mental energy to push everything back in. She was so drained that despite wanting to visit Fore’s human again, she decided against it until she could gather her composure again, an effort that easily took the better part of a couple weeks.
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“Told you, didn’t I?” Anna said to nobody in particular. “We’re all cowards. I should know, takes one to know one…”
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More minutes passed. Suddenly, Fore stood and went to the door, meowing loudly. Anna turned to watch, wondering what the cat wanted.
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The door of the room was soon opened byFore’s human coming back from her shift at work.
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III
A devil set aside for me.
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Her dark hair, which was usually neatly tied into twintails, was loose around her shoulders, as was her necktie. She'd already slipped her shoes and jacket off and was already unzipping her pencil skirt as Fore began rubbing himself against her legs.
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She glanced up and made eye contact with Anna as her skirt hung precariously from her hips.
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The face of Fore’s human soon went through a rapid mix of awareness, surprise, and apprehension. She knew exactly what to expect from this particular unexpected guest.
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Anna, however, was going through quite a different series of expressions and?emotions.
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Her eyes regained their luster. Her shoulders straightened. The muscles in her face lifted her cheeks into a smile.
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And smile she did, because after crying her heart out to a cat, there was something deeply reassuring about how the mere presence of Fore’s human before her could inspire such an easy transformation.
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It was a simple reminder that the defense mechanisms people grew to protect themselves were as much a part of them as the weaknesses they were built to protect.
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In other words, Anna felt a self-affirming and all-encompassing desire to tease the hell out of somebody.
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The smile curled further into a grin as Anna noticed Fore’s human become aware of her own state of undress in front of a painfully human spectator.
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“Well well well!” Anna exclaimed. Her voice was full of mischief and didn't betray a hint of the bitter melancholy it held only a few minutes ago. She adjusted herself into a more seductive position lying on the middle of the floor.
“I’m glad you’re so eager today, Jo! You left me waiting all by my lonesome here for way too long! How’re you gonna make it up to me?”
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